Hey there… How are you?  It has been a reflective day for me. I had a full article written about Cultivating Rest and how to do so. But since I have learned to listen to whatever is showing up in the moment, I wanted to share a few thoughts on Cultivating Meaning.

My friend died from brain cancer this morning. She was 51. I met Kerri Grote at camp Good Life Project, a real camp for adults, we both attended every year from 2014 -2018.

She was warm, kind, generous, spunky and just had a spark about her. We would geek out for hours about social justice, love, music and being heart-centered in what sometimes felt like a difficult world for empaths. She had reached out to me recently praising me for my positive posts and we shared about loving and missing each other.

She died unexpectedly this morning and she left words to be shared after her death. Instead of sharing my words on cultivating meaning,  I wanted to share hers below. I will share mine next time. Life is short. If there is anything you need to do, do it now. Call the friend, enroll in the class, forgive yourself, invest in that dream,  say “I love you.”, join the band, eat the pie as Kerri would say… (Don’t forget, Registration for the last Dare to Lead workshop of the year ends on Sept 17th! Sign up here (http://yvonneator.com/dtlvirtualwkspsept2021) .) Enjoy your week. Rest In Peace Kerri.

“If you’re reading this, this fu$king brain cancer probably got me.

But let me be crystal clear while I’m able: I did not ”lose a battle” against cancer. This is a ridiculous, steamy pile of horse shit that society has dumped on cancer patients. Western medicine, and Western culture, especially, is so uncomfortable talking about death that instead it created this “battle” analogy that basically shames people who die from cancer.

News flash: None of us gets out alive from this rodeo called life.

There is no shame in dying from cancer – or any serious illness. And it doesn’t need to be a battle. It’s a transition that each of us will go through. I was asked by a shaman, whom I spoke to after my second brain surgery, “Are you running towards life or running away from death?”

Whoa! That got my attention.

There’s a BIG difference. I got it wrong more often than not.
Don’t let fear fuel your choices. Live fearlessly. Run TOWARDS life. Don’t worry about what people will think. Trust me, it doesn’t matter.

Focus on you. Be true to yourself. Be your own best friend. People who tell you you’re selfish are not your people. If the voice in your head says these unkind things, get a new voice. Honor your mental health and seek out a good therapist with the same vigor you’d search for a romantic partner.

Speaking of, be intentional about cultivating friendships that lift you up. As those friendships grow and change, don’t overlook them while you search for that “great love of your life.” (No, I’m not suggesting you sleep with your bestie. But you do you!)

Another unhelpful message that we get from society is that we need a “love of our life,” as a romantic partner.
Single and childless when I was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, I looked around my life and came up sputtering and sobbing from the wave of grief washed over me. I thought I’d be doing this alone… no husband, no kids, no “great love.”

How wrong I was. At the first appointment with my neuro oncologists, one of the nurses diligently hauled in chair after chair for the great loves of my life who came with me that horrible day and many days after that.
I sat and listened while the doctor explained the 12-month treatment plan, focusing on my breathing, then looked around the room…. filled with great loves of my life: incredible women friends whom I had met at various stages of my life.
Surround yourself with people who contradict that unkind voice, people who see your light, and remind you who you are: an amazing soul.

Learn how to receive these reflections from your people. Because they are speaking the Truth.

Love yourself, no matter how weird and silly it might feel. Every morning, give yourself a hug before your feet hit the floor. Look deeply into your eyes in a mirror. Say to yourself, out loud, “I trust you.” That voice in your head might say you’re a dork. Ignore it.

As I prepare to leave this body and embark on this mysterious journey of my soul, I hope these observations from my deathbed are somehow useful.

What I know, deep in my bones, is that learning to love myself has led me to be able to say this: I’m so proud of how I lived.

May you, dear reader, feel the same when you head out on your soul journey, too. Until then, enjoy the ride. And always eat dessert first, especially if there’s pie!”
– Kerri Grote

It’s Thursday night, nearly 2 weeks ago and I am teaching the session on Rumbling with Anger. I am deeply moved by the number of attendees dealing with COVID related anger and stress and their engagement in the chat. I am in my element, teaching that anger is usually an indication that a boundary or value has been violated or a need or expectation has not been met, sharing tips for engaging with one’s anger, reckoning with the emotions underneath, how to have a conversation around conflict, how to deal with someone who is raging at you, how to take care of yourself and set boundaries that support you, get clear about your values and so on. I feel energized. I just love teaching and holding space for those who serve. Questions roll in and I answer them. Until I get to teaching about values and then suddenly the comments shift in intensity and tone reflecting the despair and hopelessness of trying to live in alignment in these times.

Comments like: “The problem in medicine is that medicine sets the boundaries and values. We don’t get to set our own values and boundaries in medicine. We sacrifice our own identities when we adopt the identity of “doctor”

“My value is integrity. There are a lot of hypocrites out there, which makes me angry”

“Sure. As a resident you don’t get to hold your values”

“That indoctrination is where the moral injury comes from. Expectations that we work based on someone else’s values and not your own.”

Suddenly, I am reminded of the quote that literally changed the trajectory of my life a decade ago and is the reason I do what I do today serving mission-driven idealists who have sacrificed everything to make a difference and desire to thrive without succumbing to disillusionment, compassion fatigue or burnout.

“The Space between our professed values and practiced values is where burnout lives.” – Brene Brown, Daring Greatly

I am a huge values geek (hey, as an Idealist, it goes without saying!) I first learned the stunning power of values and the data behind its effectiveness through my certifications in positive psychology, daring way, dare to lead and unbeatable mind coaching. Over the past decade, I have spent countless hours helping idealist physicians, scientists, teachers do the deep work of clarifying their values and operationalizing them. Using my own unique framework through coaching and facilitation to help them create habits and practices for living their values rather than merely confessing them.

I have seen several of my clients go from burned out and overwhelmed to lit up, motivated and inspired in their personal and professional lives after doing their values work. I know for sure that the gap between your professed values and practiced values is burnout. It is unsustainable to live in that gap. This is why I am seeing unprecedented numbers of physicians, nurses, teachers and other helpers burning out. Actually, it seems like EVERYONE is burning out during the pandemic but especially the helpers who are more willing to sacrifice themselves and face exploitation because they are so committed to their ideals. The values of service, empathy, making a difference, commitment, connection, curiosity, compassion and other values that brought them to their professions are being violated daily by systemic, administrative policies and practices that are in direct opposition to what they stand for.

Values are the illumination and navigation systems of our lives. They light up the way for our journeys and guide us in the right direction. Whenever I hear a client say how lost they feel, I immediately ask about their values. Now more than ever, we need to go from merely professing our values to actually living them. This pandemic and all the reckonings it has gifted us, point to a huge divide between what we say and what we do. We have to bridge the gap to live authentically and serve and lead sustainably.

So, how are you doing?

Maybe you are wondering “how did I get here?” “Why do I feel so lost?” “I don’t feel like I am helping anyone.” “I am so tired. I don’t feel like going to work anymore.”

Check in. What are your values? Are you living in alignment with your values? Are you able to live in alignment with your values at work? At home? What are the challenges around that? To live authentically, walk in integrity, and serve sustainably, you will need to live your values. It is possible, actually imperative, to live your values in your personal and professional life. Being out of alignment usually means 3 things – either the misaligned practices/relationships in your life will cause conflict or harm or you will have to conform, numb yourself or break yourself in order to keep living out of alignment or you will have to work to come into alignment which also means allowing those things which are out of alignment with your values to either fall away or come into alignment.

This work is fun but definitely not for the faint of heart! If you’ve had enough and are ready to do your work, you are in the right place!

If you would like to learn more about values and how to embody yours, I am hosting a Values session for the Mindful Healthcare Collective on Thursday Sept 9th at 5:30pm to Register, Visit To register for the Values Session, https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZUrcu-sqT8oHdWyda71UT1LDzC4ijexOIzf

THE 12-Week VIRTUAL DARE TO LEAD WORKSHOP is almost here!

We are in month 18 of the pandemic and with the current delta variant surge, it is obvious that this pandemic is here to stay. Normal is gone forever. We are in a completely new world. Remote work. Now back to the office. Oh no, wait, back to remote work. Trying to keep up with all the changes at work can be overwhelming and disorienting. Change is the biggest source of shame in the workplace because of the fear of irrelevance. How do we navigate the changes at work, home and leadership and thrive? How do we show up in alignment with our values at work? How do we cultivate trust when there’s so much uncertainty? How do we ask for what we need? How do we have the hard conversations, rumble with difficult emotions, give engaged constructive feedback and create wholehearted cultures at work and home? And how do we rise from the setbacks, disappointments and failures of the pandemic? I have spent the pandemic teaching the Dare To Lead curriculum by Dr. Brene Brown to hundreds of professionals. It is incredibly transformative for individuals and organizations alike. To sign up for the 12 week virtual Dare To Lead Workshop, visit yvonneator.com/dtlvirtualwkspsept2021 and use the code COURAGE for $250 off by Sept 8th midnight

The world feels dark right now. As you know, the Thriving Idealist’s mantra is “Cultivate your light”. My mentor, Jonathan Fields of the Good Life Project, taught me that when you cultivate your values, and choose to live in alignment with them, you become a beacon. I believe this wholeheartedly. It’s time for you to cultivate your light, be a beacon for others in the darkness by clarifying your values and doing the work to embody them – moment by moment, breath by breath.

If you have found yourself struggling during this season, you are not alone. Many are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and angry. At times like these, remember, there is always one thing you can do. Instead of looking at all the things pulling at you, focus on the One thing. Take a breath. Drink some water. Brain Dump your priorities and pick one thing. And if you make a mistake, that is ok. Start again. You have an infinite number of chances to start again. Take a breath, start again. Moment by moment, breath by breath, you will make it through. Please feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions or topics you would like me to cover. Don’t forget to sign up for the Dare To Lead Workshop or DM me for coaching! Be well. Be encouraged. Keep breathing and Stay Safe. We are in this together.
Have a wonderful week!

Love, Yvonne