Monthly Archives: March 2015

Grace (Part 5) – Compassion, Forgiveness and Extending Grace to Others

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“Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go and the power of moving on.” – Steve Maraboli

Grace…

This is one of the most challenging ideals I have faced so far… Over the last few posts, we have explored different facets of grace – all from a receptive posture.

For the past few days, I have been thinking about Grace in a different way… being a giver of grace, rather than a receiver.

How do we respond when someone has unintentionally offended us or harmed us?  How do we respond to the mistakes of others? What do you do when someone falls short, shows their flaws for all to see or betrays you?

There’s the easy route…

Judgment… Condemnation… Derision… Snark…

Write off and shut them down… Cut them off…

Or…

Forgiveness… Compassion… Grace…

Sometimes it’s hard to forgive. We are called to forgive Seventy times seven times but that seems impossible.

Then, there’s the expression from Maya Angelou “When people show you who they really are, believe them and run.”

By all means, when someone is intentionally and habitually offensive and harmful, enforce those boundaries.

But.

Those who fall short, who mistakenly, unintentionally wrong us and are repentant, deserve a second chance. Even a third or fourth…

We have all experienced grace in many forms… and to complete the cycle, we  need to extend grace to others.

The thing is, we have all fallen short of the ideals we hold dear.

I have hurt others, and sometimes, I didn’t even know I offended them… Other times I have beaten myself up over an offense I thought I had committed, only to find out the person wasn’t offended. That was such a relief! But I wished I had confessed, apologized and sought forgiveness sooner – I would have found out there was nothing to forgive…

Other times, I hurt others deeply and apologized, but was not forgiven. When I have sought forgiveness and received it, it has been such a healing to my soul.

It is with this lens of grace that we ought  to view others who fall short in our lives.

We  look at the person with compassion. Compassion means “to suffer with…” Like Stephen Covey says, “Seek first to understand than to be Understood.” We empathetically put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. We try to understand where they are coming from. And then, forgive.

It feels good to bear a grudge. We want to punish others for the wrong they have done. But somewhere along the line, that enjoyment transforms into a noose. We die a slow death through unforgiveness. Unforgiveness becomes a prison and the prisoner is not the person who offended you. No, the prisoner is you!

And this is what I am learning.  I have to extend grace to others. I need to apply grace periods to my relationships with others and with myself.

When others do not meet my expectations, instead of immediately cutting them off, I want to view them with eyes of compassion, forgive them and extend their grace periods. I know that those who truly value the relationship will appreciate and respect the grace periods and repent if necessary.

“But Yvonne, what about those who keep offending me again and again?”

Yes, it can be frustrating when people intentionally and habitually let you down. This is what boundaries are for and you practice self-compassion when you enforce them.

I think bringing this awareness to our relationships is important –  we need to remember that we fall short just as often as the others. I will inadvertently make a mistake. And I hope that I will be forgiven. And I hope that I can exercise self-compassion and forgive myself too.

Life can be challenging. But being surrounded by those who love you and are willing to believe the best about you and extend grace to you, can make life sweet in the middle of all the pain and suffering that comes our way. The burdens feel so much lighter when shared with others who chose forgiveness and compassion instead of condemnation and judgment.

This is how I want to live. What about you?

Cultivating Grace and extending it to Others:

1. When have you extended grace to others? How did it feel?

2. In what ways can you practice compassion with those who offend you?

3. What grudges are you still nursing?

4. What would forgiveness look like for you?

5. What relationships do you need to apply grace periods to ?

6. In what ways do you need to practice self-compassion and forgive yourself?

7. Whom can you enlist to hold you accountable in your practice of  extending grace to others?

We have all committed offenses, hurt others and fallen short of the ideals we hold dear.  Knowing this, we can recognize our flawed selves reflected in our relationships. When others offend, hurt, or betray us, remembering our boundaries while exercising grace is a skill that comes with practice.  I hope you will practice self-compassion as you (initially) awkwardly try to master extending grace to others. WE ALL STUMBLE, but we are here to help pick one another up. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw  writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her Daily Haikus and lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted  humanitarians, visionaries and idealists like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

 

 

Grace (Part 4) – Peace, Rest and Trusting in Grace’s Timing

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” The meaning of life. The wasted years of life. The poor choices of life. God answers the mess of life with one word: ‘grace.’ “- Max Lucado

What happens when you really trust that something will happen or someone will come through?

What happens when you know that at a certain time, an event is inevitable? How do you wait? Impatiently? Stressed?

Do you check over and over again? Anxiously?

No, you wait patiently… Instead of anxiety, peace… instead of insomnia and stress, rest…

When you really trust that something will happen, you can relax. No, not lackadaisically, but a relaxed anticipation, a restful expectation.

You can do all you can to prepare, for sure… But, you can rest, when you’ve done all you can.

Peace…

Sometimes the thoughts race in your head – “Will this really happen?” ” Am I going to make a fool of myself?” “Can I really trust this person?”

Today was a difficult day. As usual, I am tested on whatever topic I write about and today was no exception. I had been waiting for a breakthrough in a certain area of my life but instead hit rock bottom. In another area, I hit an unprecedented level of recognition for something I didn’t anticipate or plan.

But as we discussed over the last few posts, Grace comes undeservedly – you can’t earn it or hustle for it. Grace comes unannounced like an old friend…

Grace is willing but Grace is also on a different schedule… You can’t plan for grace… You can’t place it on a deadline.

Yet, Grace is always on time. Not necessarily the time you anticipated, but the right time.

Yes, we wait, with watchful expectation, and as we wait, we prepare. And then, we rest in the peace that comes from fully trusting.

You know that you will not be let down. God will not fail you… ever! You are deeply loved and supported. So you can rest in that knowledge…

When you fully trust someone, you can let go of the manipulation, the controlling, the double-checking and looking over your shoulder in panic…

So ask yourself, “Is my behavior reflective of trust or distrust? Anxiety or Peace? Distress or Rest?”

 

Then, adjust accordingly.

Trust that things will work out for your best, whatever that looks like. Allow the trust to permeate your being until peace flows out. And you can rest in that peace. No, it won’t kill you. It will revive you! See you next time!

 

Cultivating Responsiveness to Grace: 

1. What are you waiting for? Is it delayed?

2. How are you waiting? Anxiously? Impatiently? Distressed?

3. In what ways are you in need of rest?

4. Can you carve out some time to rest?

5. Do you trust that things will work out for your best? What is keeping you from trusting?

6. What does peace look like to you?

7. What can you do right now to cultivate your responsiveness to Grace?

 

Sometimes, things don’t make sense. The timing feels wrong. You feel out of place. Your mistakes overwhelm you and you hit rock bottom again and again. Grace never runs out and is always on time. Rest in this knowledge and trust that things will work out for your good. They will! I believe it!

Yvonne Whitelaw  writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her Daily Haikus and lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted  humanitarians, visionaries and idealists like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

 

Grace (Part 3) – Honor, Diligence and Harnessing the Power of Grace

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“To whom much is given, much will be required…” –

 

Ah, Grace!

Obviously, from the previous posts, I have been learning a lot about grace. It hasn’t been an easy subject to wrap my mind around. My willfulness gets in the way – especially when  I realize there are some things that come my way  that I can’t work for, hustle for or earn no matter how I try… I can’t do anything to deserve it…

It’s like sunlight. Try all I want, I can’t earn sunlight. It is here for me free of charge.  (Well, maybe this is a bad example on the east coast, considering the wintry weather we’ve been experiencing.)

So I have been thinking…  it is easy to misunderstand Grace.

Last post, I talked about Grace as God breaking all the rules to meet your needs….  God’s willingness to use all His power, His infinite resources to meet your needs.

It’s easy to think, “I have been given all I need, now what?”

You are being given all you need for good work. You have decided to make a positive impact in the world, and now the resources have come your way.

What do you do?

It’s easy to stretch out your legs and fold your arms and think, ” It’s over… I mean, I have everything I need right…. So I don’t have to do anything – it will be provided for me.”

Or you might find yourself paralyzed after getting what you’ve asked for. Perfectionism, fear of failure and even the fear of success can send you scurrying into a corner. You’re afraid of making a fool of yourself and so you do nothing.

You doubt yourself, wondering if the dream you had was realistic or legit. You look for a new set of signs to confirm that this is what you are supposed to do.

Either way, you suddenly find that you are doing nothing even though Grace has made a way in the wilderness for you.

So, if Grace has made a way, and you have everything you need, should you sit back and do nothing?

On the contrary, because the rules are being broken on your behalf, because you have access to an infinite source of resources, You  honor grace by working. You honor Grace by harnessing the power that has been sent your way. You honor Grace by using every single resource that is available to you.

For example, being born American. There are so many benefits, opportunities and resources that come with being American. But those born here have to honor their citizenship and diligently work to harness the power that comes with that citizenship – making a positive impact in the world.

To whom much is given, much is required…  Yes, much is expected of you.

You are not given grace so that you can hang out in the easy chair!  No. Grace is given so that you will harness its power for good work.

Do not waste it. Do not waste the gifts bestowed on you.

The Door is finally open – walk through it!

Now Go… You know what needs to be done. Don’t waste any more time. Go, change the world with your good work.

See you next time!

Cultivating Responsiveness to Grace: 

1. What good works are you being called to do?

2. What opportunities and resources  are you wasting right now?

3. What is holding you back? Perfectionism, Fear of success? Fear of failure? Lack of motivation?

4. What habits do you need in place to become more responsive? More diligent?

5. What does the saying “To whom much is given, much is required” mean to you?

6. With whom can you partner to hold you accountable for being more responsive?

7.  What step can you take right now to honor your calling in response to the Grace you experience?

You have everything you need. If you feel overwhelmed, think of the smallest step you can take. Take it. Then take another and another. Grace will give you the momentum to continue to completion. Hang tough! See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw  writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her Daily Haikus and lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted  humanitarians, visionaries and idealists like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”