“You create your opportunities by asking for them.” – Shakti Gawain

What do you want? 

Really.

Have you ever asked yourself this question? I was shocked to find out a few years ago that I had never asked myself this question. I had always been on autopilot. I had a plan. And I was doing everything I could to attain my goals. But I was shocked to find out I had never asked myself “What do you want?” And even more shocking was the realization that my answers were completely different from the goals I had set before me and was so tunnel-visioned about attaining. 

What about you? Are you clear about what you want? 

For me, the clarity about what I wanted brought some serious conflict. I had always lived with an attitude of surrender to God’s will. But I never really trusted that I would be supported in my true desires. I felt as if I would land in an eternal fiery punishment if I listened to my heart. God couldn’t possibly want me to have fun, could He? I mean look at how somber and morose other Christians were! I liked to laugh, dance, hang out with different kinds of people… Based on how I saw other Christians, I didn’t think I was acceptable this way. I didn’t fit in.  So, I really didn’t think I could trust that God would give me my heart’s desires.

On the contrary… 

I have been learning that because God loves us, and owns everything, abundance is a no-brainer. God wants us to live abundantly. I think of my children and how much I want to give them.  And it gives me a tiny glimpse into how much God has in store. 

But we have to trust that there is an abundant supply for us. There is enough. And one person’s receipt does not mean your deficit. 

There is a catch though… You have to ask for what you want.

And this is where I struggle.

I am learning that I am not good at asking for help. In fact, it hardly ever occurs to me to ask. I was always a latch-key kid. So, I got used to taking care of myself.

If I needed anything, I took care of it without thinking. My number one strength is Strategic, so, I am always problem-solving. Whenever, I’m in a bind, my mind easily runs through several solutions until something works.  

And the few times I have received help or been given something, there was always that feeling of owing and I hated being reminded of it all the time. 

It’s even worse when guilt-tripped by that giver about what had been done for me.

 So, not only did I stop asking, it stopped occuring to me to ask. 

As I grew older and began meeting healthy, positive, reciprocal kindred, I still held on to my old habit of not asking for help. It had become so ingrained and unconscious that it recently took a few incidents to show me how serious of a problem I had developed.

The first was the time I arrived at my daughter’s carpool a 45 minutes earlier so I could get some work done in the car as my toddler slept. I was the first in a long line of cars waiting to pick their children. When carpool time arrived, I realized with horror that my car would not start. I had been listening to NPR in the cold, and had  run my battery out. I sat there for several minutes trying to start the car before it occured to me to ask for help. I didn’t think anything of it.

Then a week later, it happened again – in the pouring rain.  This time, I caught myself going through several solutions, all of which didn’t work, instead of asking for help. It was the first time I realized I was doing everything to avoid asking for help. I decided to break this dyfunctional habit and ask for help. After the 4th “No”, I was ready to throw in the towel. However, the 5th person, who incidentally was disabled and I nearly didn’t ask, said “Yes” and my car was jumpstarted immediately!

Although, I decided to buy another Car Battery in a hurry, I realized I really had a problem and I needed to do something about my inability and reluctance to ask for help. 

Thankfully, I had an assignment for a business immersion course I am participating in. I was required to ask friends in my inner circle for a letter describing my strengths. I had sat paralyzed for weeks without sending out the requests – afraid that I had no friends who loved me enough to participate. Now that I had noticed my bad pattern, I challenged myself to ask ahead of the deadline. I nearly passed out with anxiety over it but I emailed out the requests. And I am now awaiting the responses. 

My next ask is going to be a fundraiser for my 400 Thriving Physicians Project. I have bootstrapped all of my business activities to date so I will have to ask for help this time. 

400 physicians commit suicide each year. For my project,  I want to inspire 400 physicians and physicians-in-training to live their ideals and thrive in their medical calling. For each burned out, suicidal, compassion-fatigued and disillusioned physician, I want to inspire, equip, and empower One (or more) physician to become thriving, passionate, engaged and aligned with their ideals. I will be coaching and facilitating  retreats, workshops and seminars. Majority of physicians go into tremendous debt for their education and spend the rest of their careers paying off those debts. So I intend to do some serious fundraising to serve them and not allow money to become a hindrance for those who want to participate and cannot afford to.  I am in the middle of setting up a GoFundMe campaign. (I will update this page with the GoFundMe link) And I have had to dig really deeply for the courage to do so. For now, if interested in donating, please visit the donate page on my site.  http://www.yvonnewhitelaw.com/?page_id=353

I am learning that I can’t have what I want or need, if I am not willing or courageous enough to ask. 

Yes, this is a challenging lesson to learn. But I need to learn it. I desire to learn it. 

I want to master this skill and I am very clear about it. 

How about you? 

Cultivating Abundance:

1. What do you really want?

2. What do you need to get clear about ? 

3. In what ways do you trust that you will receive what you ask for? 

4. In what ways do you doubt that you will receive what you want?

5. How good of an asker are you? In what ways can you improve?

6. What ask have you been avoiding?

7. What steps can you take right now to make your ask happen?

Asking is a very vulnerable and courageous act. It helps to remember that there is always more where that came from… the Universe is infinite and will not run out. Get clear, trust that you will be heard and ask. The answer might be unexpected but the timing is always right. See you next time! 

Yvonne Whitelaw  writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her Daily Haikus and lessons along the way (most Mondays and Thursdays), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted  humanitarians, visionaries and idealists like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”