“Success is not final, Failure is not fatal: It’s the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill
How do you return after a fall?
This post is my imperfect attempt to do just that. It will be raw and unedited so please forgive the quality.
I have been trying to return to my blog after a traumatic event. At first, I tried to write as usual without addressing my absence. But it felt off. I couldn’t find my groove. I was completely blocked. I still don’t feel ready to talk about what happened but I will scratch the surface in my efforts to move forward. I am still doing the heartwork behind the scenes.
In November 2015, I suffered a physically, emotionally and mentally traumatic event. I couldn’t shut down since I had my kids who were dependent on me. But it completely stunned me and my haikus stopped.
I had moved across the country from Baltimore, Maryland to North San Diego County, California in August 31st. And for about 10 weeks, went through an incredibly humiliating experience which culminated in an event which raised concerns for my physical safety. I wasn’t ready to talk about it on the blog but I didn’t want to give up writing. Still I lost my desire to create. so my writing stopped.
Being an avid reader, I read several books to help me recover – Presence by Amy Cuddy, the Bible, Rising Strong etc.
The timing of Rising Strong by Brene Brown couldn’t have been more perfect. As a Daring Way Facilitator, I am required to keep up with all continuing education training from the Daring Way. The latest book, Rising Strong, was exactly what I needed for this season in my life. I devoured the book and immersed myself in the facilitator’s curriculum and trainings, learning how to deal with failure and how to rise strong from muddy faceplants. I rumbled with different emotions – grief, forgiveness, anger, fear, despair. I faced the truth about my situation. I reached out to a few close friends for help. I cried. I prayed. And I worked on reclaiming my own story
November to January 2016 would prove to be the lowest season of my life. I had lost nearly everything I held dear. I faced my deepest fears, fatal blows to my reputation, financial despondence, alienation and abandonment.
But through all of it, I felt a supernatural grace. I had everything I needed. New opportunities showed up. New allies, old friends… all the support I needed showed up at just the right time. I am immensely grateful to God for carrying me through it.
However, I was in the pit and had to dig myself out.
I had stopped building my coaching, facilitation and advocacy practice for the cross-country move. I began coaching. Took on a research position. And began slowly writing again on Facebook including a countdown of 40 posts for my 40th birthday, a series of short stories for a round robin group and some thoughts on racial injustice and my discomfort with talking about race. I even published an article on Meditation in Radiant Health, a health magazine for the Global African Diaspora.
The recent series of violent events around racial injustice have reminded me of the importance to using my voice no matter how imperfect or flawed it feels.
Life is short.
I love writing. I can’t let my falls and failures keep me from showing up on my own blog no matter how imperfectlyf.
I am still covered in mud. I am still on my knees, crawling my way out. But I am no longer face-down, no longer paralyzed by shame for my fall.
I hope it sticks this time. If not, I will keep on trying. I will keep on showing up until I regain my groove.
See you next time!
Reflections on Courage : Showing up after Life’s Strippings, Knock-Downs and Falls
- When was the last time you faced a stripping or faceplant?
- How did you navigate through it?
- If you are in a difficult season right now, how are you doing?
- In what ways can you reach out for support?
- How do you feel about showing up imperfectly? a
- How have your failures paralyzed you?
- In what ways can you take imperfect action today?
Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to cultivate and grow into her ideals with her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her Daily Haikus (#HaikuRx) and her lessons along the way (Mondays and Thursdays), she hopes to serve and inspire a growing tribe of wholehearted idealists like you, to “live your ideals, thrive in your calling and positively change the world.”