“Now is the time to ask yourself, what you believe.”    ― Rob MacGregor, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Uncertainty can be disorienting.

The things you would have bet your life on, no longer seem certain. Doubts assail you. You wonder if the clarity you experienced on the mountaintop was a hallucination.

The valley. The pit. The fog.

Uncertainty can be unnerving.

The courage you had last week is nowhere to be found. Your strength fizzled away like waterdrops on a hot pan.  You feel faint.

The burden is heavy. The darkness thick.  The fear paralyzing.

What now?

I wrote about faith a few months ago.

I described one of my favorite movie scenes – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, on the search for the Holy Grail. In search of help for his dying father,  Indy  found himself on a precipice, needing to take a step of faith into a huge chasm, unsure of what laid ahead.  He could not see anything. He faced certain death if he stepped out and nothing happened.

But there was no where else to go. He had to take that step of faith. If he didn’t, his father would die.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFntFdEGgws

This is where I am. Right now.

6 months ago, I took a step of faith and began this blog. I showed up. Through illnesses, weaning, travels, heartache, despair,  starting a business, trainings, job searches, I showed up. Twice a week, with a couple of misses.

I had decided on an experiment. I wanted to see what would happen if I really lived my ideals.

The grace that has met me through this blog has been astounding. I am truly grateful for the grace to write about a topic I am passionate about – living my ideals and inspiring others to live theirs.

And now I am at a crossroads in my life.

I am going to be vulnerable and share my truth. This is very difficult for me but here goes:

Do I continue moving forward with this blog and this new authentic wholehearted life? Do I continue my dream to write even more from my worldview – Live your ideals project, a live your ideals project for kids, life as a third culture renaissance woman, music, global travel, parenting, medicine and public health, wholeheartedness and the daring way, spirituality,  devotionals, speaking engagements, daring way facilitation and positive psychology coaching to help others thrive, have a medical missions foundation?

Or do I go back to the original plan – to apply for residency and finish what I started 6 years ago?

Or do I continue to apply for public health jobs as I have been doing to no avail for the past 19 months?

Either way, I will make a positive impact in the world. But figuring out which way to go has been excruciating.

What do I really believe? That is the question.

Here’s what I believe: 1. God has a plan and a purpose for my life. 2. I am uniquely designed for that purpose. 3. I am called to serve. 4. My core ideals and the Holy Spirit within me provide guidance for my path. I am not alone. I have people who love and support me. 5. It is up to me to listen to my life,  to pay attention to the signs on the road.

There have been detours, stop signs and barricades on my path.  For sure. But there have also been green lights and high-speed highways.

When I chose to really live what I believed, when I chose to live my ideals, the results have been overwhelmingly beautiful.

Now, that the fog threatens to overtake me, I have to remember what I truly believe and take a step of faith. I will let you know if a bridge appears in front of me.

What about you?

Cultivating Faith in the Face of Uncertainty:

1. What uncertainty are you facing right now?

2. What do you believe?

3. What step of faith can you take right now?

4. Whom can you call on for support?  In what ways can you risk vulnerability or  emotional exposure in order to honestly share what you are going through?

5. What toxic, negative, harmful relationships do you need to release? Can you set healthy boundaries with the naysayers?

6. In what ways can you dig deep to  display courage and dignity in the face of uncertainty?

7. What routine practices  (meditation, journaling, exercise) can you cultivate to maintain a sense of calm?

Fear can keep us from pursuing our dreams. The risks can seem unsurmountable. But you are not alone. You have your faith to guide you. You might need to dig deep, place your hand on your heart and step out. It could save a life – even yours! See you next time!