“The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.” – Robert Jordan, The Fires of Heaven

There is a certain appeal to grit… sticking to it, hanging tough and persevering…

But.

We don’t hear much about flexibility… the ability to bend… give way, step back…

Allowing time to fallow, retreat, rest, grieve…

In farming, a piece of land is sometimes left to fallow… allowing the land to return to its wild state, in order to rest, and maybe recover its nutrients…

Think about sharpening an axe, and how an abrasive is rubbed against the ax to sharpen it… but nothing much is said about oiling the blade afterwards…

But oiling is a critical part of conditioning the ax. The blade is oiled to protect from rust and the handle oiled to protect from rot.

Rot and rust result from exposure to moisture, oil creates a layer of protection for the raw surfaces of metal and wood.

When you are rubbed raw by life, you need a salve… You need ointment to protect your tender parts, your wounds, your injuries from the elements…

You need time to heal.

We get weary, frazzled and frayed by life’s rough edges…

Imagine soaking our dry, parched, shrunken souls in oil…

Soaking brings suppleness, strength… the fibers of your inner being are refreshed and renewed. No longer frail and fragile, they have increased longevity, vitality and flexibility.

Think about it.

It means taking the time to rest, not just your physical bodies, but your spirit, your soul…

It means taking the time to grieve hurts from the past instead of repressing them and acting like they didn’t happen… then, being surprised when you lash out at someone over trivia!

It means taking time to get the love you need. Taking time to connect. Or reconnect…

Or, letting go of toxic relationships, forgiving yourself for the mistakes you have made…

Soak…

If you are in a dry spell, instead of jumping out there with activity, get still, quiet, mine the lessons of the season you are in…

For the past 6.5 years, I have been in a wilderness season… (Thankfully, this season is drawing to a close!) It has been one of the most difficult times of my life. I had moved to Baltimore, as a brand new doctor and a brand new mother… attempting to work the required 80 hours weeks with a 5 month old infant in a new city without social support.

I chose to resign because I was extremely close to my breaking point. I decided to bend before I broke. A very difficult decision yes, with costly consequences. It was however, the right one, in a culture where taking breaks is frowned upon.

But.

It is also a culture in which a silent epidemic of physician suicides is raging.

You need to take that time to soak, fallow, nourish and nurture your soul so that when the harsh seasons of life come, you will bend, pull back and then come back standing tall…

The thing with bending is that you can go through many challenging seasons, recoil and come back standing…

But if you don’t bend, and you keep taking the pressure beyond your reserves, you will break. And when you break, there is no recoil… you are broken. You will have to start over…

Sometimes the tree can be saved, other times the damage is irreparable…

Take the flex time…

I have spent these past 6.5 years rebuilding my spiritual practice, building my family, developing my strengths, getting acquainted with who I really am, not what others have assigned to me, and discovering my true calling.

Grieve the loss of that job, the death of that dream, the betrayal of that friend…

Acknowledge the toll that trauma took on you.

When physical trauma happens, patients are sent through the emergency room, sometimes to the Intensive Care Unit… Lots of monitoring, rest, medication… Not much movement and activity.

Same goes for you.

Take some time for yourself… Ask for help. Do some self exploration, get in your scriptures and spiritual writings, soak your soul in God’s presence, meditate… Spend time soaking in the love of your family and friends…

Rest. Listen to music. Soak up the sun. Get a massage.

Soak in what ever you need to restore your soul…

Go on.

Soak it in, so you can bend, not break.

Cultivating Resilience:
1. What do you need right now?
2. In what ways do you need to bend today?
3. Have you ever been at breaking point? Are you there now?
4. Are you addicted to activity? In what ways can you oil the ax today?
5. Whom can you enlist to support you in becoming more bendable?
6. What is keeping you from self-care?
7. In what ways can you begin a regular practice of rejuvenation?

You deserve time for restoration and rejuvenation. You and loved ones will greatly benefit from it. Carve out that time today and let us know your plans for cultivating resilience in the comments below. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”