“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”¹

My first day.

Bible study at a women’s group.

I found my table of 8, found a spot and sat.

I sat beside her. A smiling lady in yellow. And my life changed.

We became friends. Instantly.

It didn’t matter that I was 35 and she was 87. That I was new and she was a veteran. Or that we were several shades of skin apart.

We were kindreds. We recognized and loved each other immediately. And began sharing our passions.

Books…check. Politics…check. Humanitarianism…check.
Jesus… check. Global travel and interest in different cultures…check!

Francophile? check. For several years I had celebrated Bastille Day with full French culture immersion. Her birthday was Bastille day. We chuckled.

I was liberal to her conservative but it did not matter. We were bonded.

Tired of my habitual isolation, I asked the group to pray for me because I needed to find a mentor. Her hand immediately shot up. “I’ll mentor you!”

Wow, no one had ever said those words or taken ownership of me like that before. It was unique and special to me – this wholehearted willingness to be completely available.

Many invitations and visits to the retirement home. Long, meals. Really soulful phone conversations. I shared dreams I had never verbalized before.

She was the first to recommend I seriously consider writing. And no matter how much I tried to brush it off, she never relented.

I felt like the Ruth to her Naomi and was willing to follow her everywhere.

Then, the news.

Cancer.

Chemotherapy.

Longer visits.

Sense of urgency. Denial. Hope.

Laughter. Sense of normalcy.

I promise to visit after finishing a term paper. She reschedules.

Another long conversation. “I love you. I love you too.”

Excitement over the next visit.

Instead, a phone call.

Yes, she’s gone.

Numb. Speechless. Empty.

Grief. Anger.

Heart door shut. Never love like that again.

They all leave. And they leave your heart in pieces.

Or do they?

The thing is, my friendship with Mrs Ginger Cage saved me. I was in a dark place.

Wounded and raw.

She was willing to take me a stranger, an outsider who was just drifting aimlessly after a series of failures.

She was humble, principled, generous, nurturing, wise, strong, passionate yet gentle and accepting… I had never met anyone with such dynamic and poetic contrasts in character.

And her wholehearted, no-holds-barred acceptance and constant invitation to spend time with her, healed old wounds of rejection, abandonment and inferiority.

She came into my life at just the right time.

She was willing to share her life, she was open and willing. I never felt as if I was imposing. She wanted me there. And she never judged a single opinion I shared even though we were at the opposite ends of the political aisle.

She loved me.

And I loved her. I still do.

And I learned later that she did this with many others who were lost like I was. Each person felt like her favorite. And this is why Maya Angelou’s death impacted me so greatly. Her relationship with Oprah reminded me of mine.

Ginger was so loving that people were naturally drawn to her and would hang on her every word.

She was Godly, Inspiring, Noble, Loving, Engaging and Rare!

I am so grateful she had such a willing and open heart!
Because of her, I decided to be more open and willing to share my life with others. It is a practice. Sometimes challenging. But I am determined to be more emotionally available and connected to those around me.

R.I.P. Ginger! I miss you!

Three years pass…

“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”” ²

I find myself at a playground, chatting wholeheartedly with a new friend… Interesting, world traveler, lover of books, studied math, loves theology…

“Oh, you do?” “Me too!”

An hour passes, I am still enrapt and we are excitedly finishing each other’s sentences…

Heart cracked wide open.

By the way, She’s 87!

Here we go…

Practicing connectedness:
1. In what ways could you practice connectedness this week?
2. Do you have a willing heart? What would that look like for you?
3. Do you have An open heart? What would being open look like?
4. How do you isolate yourself? Do you need a friend? Whom can you to reach out to?
5. Does someone need your friendship? What are practical ways you can serve others?
6. Sometimes it takes a smile or a hello – how can you practice being friendly this week?
7. What do you need to make you feel connected? Prayer, Support, Encouragement? Let someone know.

“See” you next time!

1. Albert Camus
2. C.S. Lewis

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.