“Grow into your ideals so that life will not rob you of them” – Albert Schweitzer

The Live Your Ideals Project is inspired by this quote.

Anyone who knows me knows I am a huge Albert Schweitzer fan. This is one of his quotes I live by. His quotes remind me that my life has meaning every time I lose my sense of direction or purpose.

Why write about ideals?

“An ideal is a principle or value that one actively pursues as a goal…” – Wiki

I speak of ideals in terms of process, pursuit, cultivation, habit, imperfection reaching for greater and fuller expression of the ideal.

I am not talking about idealism, dismissal of reality or perfectionism.

A few years ago, I realized I was becoming someone I hardly recognized. I had drifted away from my core ideals and was devastated to see what I was becoming.

“Virtue – An ideal that one can make a habit.” – Wiki

I discovered that there was a huge gap between my values and my behavior. I have about 12 core ideals around which my life is focused and I was completely out of alignment with many of them.

For example, one of my core strengths and virtues is creativity. But my guitar would sit there for weeks untouched. The melodies came but I would neither record them nor write them down. My songbook had gone for years without a song. I was neglecting my creativity.

Other core values are joy, generosity and connectedness. I have always been the positive glass half-full, bubbly, smiley, belly-laughing, fun person… But I found myself constantly spouting negativity, complaining and whining about everything. I love people. I love connecting people, meeting people, being hospitable, volunteering, serving… I am a giver. But, I realized I had completely isolated myself. I had no deep friendships and I had stopped smiling. I wasn’t even volunteering.

Wellness? Don’t even try. I was overweight, an insomniac, stressed and cranky.

I could hardly recognize myself.

Last year, I came across this Schweitzer quote again. I decided to cultivate, really grow my ideals, not perfectly but paying attention and nurturing them.

About the same time, I discovered and became a huge fan of James Clear’s work on habits. I especially connected with his article on <a href=”http://http://jamesclear.com/identity-based-habits” title=”identity-based habits”>Identity-based Habits</a> which revolutionized the way I saw myself.

“The key to building lasting habits is focusing on creating a new identity first. Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity. What you do now is a mirror image of the type of person you believe that you are (either consciously or subconsciously). To change your behavior for good, you need to start believing new things about yourself. ” – James Clear

I decided to live what I believed.

James Clear’s recipe for success: 1. Decide the type of person you want to be. 2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.

For me, this meant practicing each ideal, intentionally, imperfectly in small increments daily. And it has transformed my life.

The weight is coming off. My joy has returned. I am serving again. I do a little music daily. I am publishing posts twice weekly. Again, as I always say, this is not about me.

You have to become the change you wish to see in your life, not just in the world.

Becoming is a process, and unfolding… implying time and change… Not a quick fix. Try hurrying up a caterpillar’s transformation. It will be destroyed if its transformation is forced or rushed.

I love the idea of virtues being the habit or the practice of ideals. It means that living your ideals doesn’t have to be perfectionist or rigid. On the contrary, it means creating a daily practice of living your virtues. Some days you do well. Other days, you will fail miserably and disappoint yourself. But you show up the next day and try again. And again. And again.

Think about your core virtues What is important to you? Love? Service? Joy, Creativity, Integrity? Reverence? Making a habit of engaging and embodying your virtues results in actually living your ideals.

Live what you believe.

Stop planning to run. Run. Don’t buy another guitar book (yes, I’m guilty!). Play your guitar. Knit. Write. Speak. Dance. Build. Farm. Swim. Meditate. Audition. Again and Again.

Show up. The first time. Every time. Imperfectly. Just show up. Again and again.

And like Albert Schweitzer said ” I decided that I would make my life my argument.”

In other words, how can you embody that which you strive to be? Become it. Live that ideal. Day by day, moment by moment, again and again.

Practice the habit, practice the virtue, Live the ideal.

No one, nothing, not even life, can rob of you of it.

Practicing Consistency:
1. What ideals do you need to consistently cultivate or embody?
2. James Clear’s blog focuses on transforming your habits. What habits do you need to transform or eliminate completely?
3. How does Schweitzer’s quote “I decided to make my life my argument” resonate with you?
4. What small change do you need to make to live your ideals consistently?
5. What challenges keep you from being consistent?
6. What would living your ideals consistently look like for you?
7. Do you have a list of your core ideals? If not, can you write them down today?

You can live your ideals consistently. Consistency is simply unwavering adherence to your principles. You have what it takes to show up and do your best. Just take the first step. And the next. And the next. I believe in you. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

“Grow into your ideals so that life will not rob you of them” – Albert Schweitzer

The Live Your Ideals Project is inspired by this quote.

Anyone who knows me knows I am a huge Albert Schweitzer fan. This is one of his quotes I live by. His quotes remind me that my life has meaning every time I lose my sense of direction or purpose.

Why write about ideals?

“An ideal is a principle or value that one actively pursues as a goal…” – Wiki

I speak of ideals in terms of process, pursuit, cultivation, habit, imperfection reaching for greater and fuller expression of the ideal.

I am not talking about idealism, dismissal of reality or perfectionism.

A few years ago, I realized I was becoming someone I hardly recognized. I had drifted away from my core ideals and was devastated to see what I was becoming.

“Virtue – An ideal that one can make a habit.” – Wiki

I discovered that there was a huge gap between my values and my behavior. I have about 12 core ideals around which my life is focused and I was completely out of alignment with many of them.

For example, one of my core strengths and virtues is creativity. But my guitar would sit there for weeks untouched. The melodies came but I would neither record them nor write them down. My songbook had gone for years without a song. I was neglecting my creativity.

Other core values are joy, generosity and connectedness. I have always been the positive glass half-full, bubbly, smiley, belly-laughing, fun person… But I found myself constantly spouting negativity, complaining and whining about everything. I love people. I love connecting people, meeting people, being hospitable, volunteering, serving… I am a giver. But, I realized I had completely isolated myself. I had no deep friendships and I had stopped smiling. I wasn’t even volunteering.

Wellness? Don’t even try. I was overweight, an insomniac, stressed and cranky.

I could hardly recognize myself.

Last year, I came across this Schweitzer quote again. I decided to cultivate, really grow my ideals, not perfectly but paying attention and nurturing them.

About the same time, I discovered and became a huge fan of James Clear’s work on habits. I especially connected with his article on Identity-based habits which revolutionized the way I saw myself.

“The key to building lasting habits is focusing on creating a new identity first. Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity. What you do now is a mirror image of the type of person you believe that you are (either consciously or subconsciously). To change your behavior for good, you need to start believing new things about yourself. ” – James Clear

I decided to live what I believed.

James Clear’s recipe for success: 1. Decide the type of person you want to be. 2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.

For me, this meant practicing each ideal, intentionally, imperfectly in small increments daily. And it has transformed my life.

The weight is coming off. My joy has returned. I am serving again. I do a little music daily. I am publishing posts twice weekly. Again, as I always say, this is not about me.

You have to become the change you wish to see in your life, not just in the world.

Becoming is a process, and unfolding… implying time and change… Not a quick fix. Try hurrying up a caterpillar’s transformation. It will be destroyed if its transformation is forced or rushed.

I love the idea of virtues being the habit or the practice of ideals. It means that living your ideals doesn’t have to be perfectionist or rigid. On the contrary, it means creating a daily practice of living your virtues. Some days you do well. Other days, you will fail miserably and disappoint yourself. But you show up the next day and try again. And again. And again.

Think about your core virtues What is important to you? Love? Service? Joy, Creativity, Integrity? Reverence? Making a habit of engaging and embodying your virtues results in actually living your ideals.

Live what you believe.

Stop planning to run. Run. Don’t buy another guitar book (yes, I’m guilty!). Play your guitar. Knit. Write. Speak. Dance. Build. Farm. Swim. Meditate. Audition. Again and Again.

Show up. The first time. Every time. Imperfectly. Just show up. Again and again.

And like Albert Schweitzer said ” I decided that I would make my life my argument.”

In other words, how can you embody that which you strive to be? Become it. Live that ideal. Day by day, moment by moment, again and again.

Practice the habit, practice the virtue, Live the ideal.

No one, nothing, not even life, can rob of you of it.

Practicing Consistency:
1. What ideals do you need to consistently cultivate or embody?
2. James Clear’s blog focuses on transforming your habits. What habits do you need to transform or eliminate completely?
3. How does Schweitzer’s quote “I decided to make my life my argument” resonate with you?
4. What small change do you need to make to live your ideals consistently?
5. What challenges keep you from being consistent?
6. What would living your ideals consistently look like for you?
7. Do you have a list of your core ideals? If not, can you write them down today?

You can live your ideals consistently. Consistency is simply unwavering adherence to your principles. You have what it takes to show up and do your best. Just take the first step. And the next. And the next. I believe in you. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

“Integrity is a personal choice, an uncompromising and predictably consistent commitment to honour moral, ethical, spiritual and artistic values and principles.” – Barbara Killinger

It takes courage to be honest.

It takes courage to be honest about who you are, where you have been and where you are going.

It takes even more courage to be honest about where you want to go and who you want to be.

Practicing integrity is a personal choice. You make this choice daily, moment to moment… constantly self-checking to make sure you are aligned with your values and principles…

This blog rose out of my desire to live aligned with my ideals. Not in a perfectionistic, all or nothing way… But as a commitment to practice, grow, cultivate the ideals that are most meaningful to me.

Making this commitment was not easy.

In fact, it came at a huge price.

Many people appear to know what is best for you, what you should do with your life. And if you are a recovering people-pleaser, like I am, this can be overwhelming.

Add the self-imposed expectations which are difficult to parse from those of your upbringing. Is this really my dream or someone else’s?

Add being an immigrant from a paternalistic culture that tells you who you should be and what you should do, especially as a woman. Then moving to a country where being of color implies inferiority and being in a box. You got it. Confusion, stress, frustration and the risk of living a life with undeveloped potential and buried dreams.

So what do you do?

Do you take the easy and popular road knowing you are completely misaligned with your values and principles but hey, you are making a lot of money in a respectable and stable job and all your bills are paid, you have the latest gadgets and toys… but you are up all night with that gnawing sensation that you are missing something really important?

Or do you take that difficult, lonely and isolated road that lines up with your ideals, principles and values but you feel at peace and grateful, yes broke for now, scared and a little nervous about failing but you still feel at the right place at the right time?

You look on Facebook and everyone seems to be living blindingly glamorous lives, taking the best vacations, Pinterest- and Instagram-perfect lives.

So…

Am I wasting my life?

Do I deserve the luxury of living aligned with my ideals and values?

Does the gift of living your dreams belong only to the skinny, adventurous, well-connected, blue-blooded, fit, young, smart, gorgeous, aspirational charismatic Type A’s of a certain skin tone?

These are questions I have wrestled with.

The truth is, I am a child of God. God Loves me. God has a purpose for my life. I don’t look like those people I admire and that is ok. My story is matters because I matter.

Same goes for you, my friend.

“Nothing happens until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change. ” – Arthur Burt

Yes, I have lost a few dreams. But those were dreams dreamed by a girl who had a limited view of her life. A girl who envisioned a life roaming the earth alone as a missionary doctor.

I am beyond grateful this dream did not come true. It has been difficult but My life is much richer than the one that girl envisioned. Yes, I am on a different path from my medical peers. But this is my path. I know my strengths and what energizes me.

I know that God has plans for my life. I am committed to living a life aligned with my ideals. I catch glimpses of my future and it excites me.

Long story short… I am blessed.

Yes, the price of living in integrity have been ridiculously high but I have to live my truth. I have to live in integrity.
And so far, the rewards (joy, peace, fulfillment, connection to name a few) have been incredible and I know there will be even much more.

In all I do, I get to bring the doctor, the musician, the writer, the theologian, the traveler, the strategic coach, the joyful dancer, the connector, and the humanitarian to the table, serve and live my truth. I know that the rewards have been worth it.
To God be all the glory.

Practicing Integrity:
1. What part of Barbara Killinger’s definition of integrity resonates with you?
2. In what ways do you need to take the road less traveled?
3. What is holding you back from living aligned with your values?
4. What do you really want? Are you living the life you want to live?
5. Complete this sentence “If I really had the courage, I would_____”
6. What small change do you need to make to  live in integrity  today?
7. You are not alone. With whom can you partner for accountability?

You have the courage you need to live your ideals. Integrity is a choice. You have what it takes to live it. It takes commitment – Just show up and do your best! I believe in you. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

“Integrity is a personal choice, an uncompromising and predictably consistent commitment to honour moral, ethical, spiritual and artistic values and principles.” – Barbara Killinger

It takes courage to be honest.

It takes courage to be honest about who you are, where you have been and where you are going.

It takes even more courage to be honest about where you want to go and who you want to be.

Practicing integrity is a personal choice. You make this choice daily, moment to moment… constantly self-checking to make sure you are aligned with your values and principles…

This blog rose out of my desire to live aligned with my ideals. Not in a perfectionistic, all or nothing way… But as a commitment to practice, grow, cultivate the ideals that are most meaningful to me.

Making this commitment was not easy.

In fact, it came at a huge price.

Many people appear to know what is best for you, what you should do with your life. And if you are a recovering people-pleaser, like I am, this can be overwhelming.

Add the self-imposed expectations which are difficult to parse from those of your upbringing. Is this really my dream or someone else’s?

Add being an immigrant from a paternalistic culture that tells you who you should be and what you should do, especially as a woman. Then, moving to a country where being of color implies inferiority and being in a box. You got it. Confusion, stress, frustration and the risk of living a life with undeveloped potential and buried dreams.

So, what do you do?

Do you take the easy and popular road knowing you are completely misaligned with your values and principles but hey, you are making a lot of money in a respectable and stable job and all your bills are paid, you have the latest gadgets and toys… but you are up all night with that gnawing sensation that you are missing something really important?

Or do you take that difficult, lonely and isolated road that lines up with your ideals, principles and values but you feel at peace and grateful, yes broke for now, scared and a little nervous about failing but you still feel at the right place at the right time?

You look on Facebook and everyone seems to be living blindingly glamorous lives, taking the best vacations, Pinterest- and Instagram-perfect lives.

So…

Am I wasting my life?

Do I deserve the luxury of living aligned with my ideals and values?

Does the gift of living your dreams belong only to the skinny, adventurous, well-connected, blue-blooded, fit, young, smart, gorgeous, aspirational charismatic Type A’s of a certain skin tone?

These are questions I have wrestled with.

The truth is, I am a child of God. God Loves me. God has a purpose for my life. I don’t look like those people I admire and that is ok. My story is matters because I matter.

Same goes for you, my friend.

“Nothing happens until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change. ” – Arthur Burt

Yes, I have lost a few dreams. But those were dreams dreamed by a girl who had a limited view of her life. A girl who envisioned a life roaming the earth alone as a missionary doctor.

I am beyond grateful this dream did not come true. It has been difficult but My life is much richer than the one that girl envisioned. Yes, I am on a different path from my medical peers. But this is my path. I know my strengths and what energizes me.

I know that God has plans for my life. I am committed to living a life aligned with my ideals. I catch glimpses of my future and it excites me.

Long story short… I am blessed.

Yes, the price of living in integrity have been ridiculously high but I have to live my truth. I have to live in integrity.
And so far, the rewards (joy, peace, fulfillment, connection to name a few) have been incredible and I know there will be even much more.

In all I do, I get to bring the doctor, the musician, the writer, the theologian, the traveler, the strategic coach, the joyful dancer, the connector, and the humanitarian to the table, serve and live my truth. I know that the rewards have been worth it.
To God be all the glory.

Practicing Integrity:
1. What part of Barbara Killinger’s definition of integrity resonates with you?
2. In what ways do you need to take the road less traveled?
3. What is holding you back from living aligned with your values?
4. What do you really want? Are you living the life you want to live?
5. Complete this sentence “If I really had the courage, I would_____”
6. What small change do you need to make to practice integrity today?
7. You are not alone. With whom can you partner for accountability?

You have the courage you need to live your ideals. Integrity is a choice. You have what it takes to live it. It takes commitment – Just show up and do your best! I believe in you. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Authenticity is a buzzword nowadays.

Everyone including me and their grandmother talks about the importance of being your true self.

Tweets, selfies, oversharing in the name of authenticity. But somehow, we feel more isolated and demoralized as we see the highlights of others’ lives on facebook and twitter.

Everyone is up to something extremely important. Everyone is shouting and no one is listening. I look around and I see masks everywhere.

There is a veneer… Everything is photoshopped. Too perfect. Too plastic. A thin oily film covers everything and leaves you feeling greasy and uneasy…

Personas, personalities, swagger, braggadocio…

We fragment ourselves, highlighting the presentable, acceptable parts…

Hiding the vulnerable, honest, imperfect parts…

In the previous post I talked about bringing all of who you are in service to the world. As an uber-eclectic third cultured person, I spent my life revealing different aspects of my self to different groups… a social chameleon, I had to adapt to those different settings and locations quickly.

When you do that enough times, you begin to feel fragmented.

The thing is, each self was authentic. I was telling the truth. I think this is happening in our culture today. People are genuinely trying to be authentic.

But we are not telling the WHOLE truth, are we?

If we are truly honest, we will not only share our highlights but our lowlights as well.

Think of a shattered mirror. Each fragment tells the truth. But a whole mirror reveal a deeper truth.

We are more than the sum of our parts.

We can never be truly honest and practice integrity if we hide certain aspects of ourselves and only display the good parts.

I used to do this in my prayers. I would only thank God and maybe make a few requests here and there. As if God didn’t know it all!

I have doubts, fears, insecurities, neuroses… I have failed many times. I bring them ALL to God now. I know that I am loved just as I am, with all my flaws, my idiosyncrasies, my obsessions…

Here’s the thing… we are all in this together. Let’s take of the masks, step out into the light and show all of who we are… not just the pretty parts.

Not only will we experience true authenticity, connection and integrity but we will be assured that we are loved for the whole truth of who we are.

Practicing Integrity:
1. What parts of your story are you hiding?
2. What would standing in the Light look like for you?
3. How does your hiding affect your integrity?
4. What story do you need to let go of in order to live honestly?
5. “I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God”. In what ways can you make this promise to yourself and live in integrity?

You are worthy of love and respect. You deserve to live an honest and integrated life. Explore what telling the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth means to you. And go live it. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Authenticity is a buzzword nowadays.

Everyone including me and their grandmother talks about the importance of being your true self.

Tweets, selfies, oversharing in the name of authenticity. But somehow, we feel more isolated and demoralized as we see the highlights of others’ lives on facebook and twitter.

Everyone is up to something extremely important. Everyone is shouting and no one is listening. I look around and I see masks everywhere.

There is a veneer… Everything is photoshopped. Too perfect. Too plastic. A thin oily film covers everything and leaves you feeling greasy and uneasy…

Personas, personalities, swagger, braggadocio…

We fragment ourselves, highlighting the presentable, acceptable parts…

Hiding the vulnerable, honest, imperfect parts…

In the previous post I talked about bringing all of who you are in service to the world. As an uber-eclectic third cultured person, I spent my life revealing different aspects of my self to different groups… a social chameleon, I had to adapt to those different settings and locations quickly.

When you do that enough times, you begin to feel fragmented.

The thing is, each self was authentic. I was telling the truth.  I think this is happening in our culture today. People are genuinely trying to be authentic.

But we are not telling the WHOLE truth, are we?

If we are truly honest, we will not only share our highlights but our lowlights as well.

Think of a shattered mirror. Each fragment tells the truth. But a whole mirror reveal a deeper truth.

We are more than the sum of our parts.

We can never be truly honest and practice integrity if we hide certain aspects of ourselves and only display the good parts.

I used to do this in my prayers. I would only thank God and maybe make a few requests here and there.  As if God didn’t know it all!

I have doubts, fears, insecurities, neuroses… I have failed many times. I bring them ALL to God now. I know that I am loved just as I am, with all my flaws, my idiosyncrasies, my obsessions…

Here’s the thing… we are all in this together. Let’s take of the masks,  step out into the light and show all of who we are… not just the pretty parts.

Not only will we experience true authenticity, connection and integrity but we will be assured that we are loved for the whole truth of who we are.
Practicing Integrity:
1. What parts of your story are you hiding?
2. What would standing in the Light look like for you?
3. How does your hiding affect your integrity?
4. What story do you need to let go of in order to live honestly?
5. “I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God”. In what ways can you make this promise to yourself and live in integrity?

You are  worthy of love and respect.  You deserve to live an honest and integrated life. Explore what telling the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth means to you. And go live it. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Integrity.

I love this word.

Integrity – the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
– the state of being whole and undivided. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Usually, we think of integrity as righteous living, or doing things the right way and the right time. being honest and moral. And that is true… partly…

Integrity stems from the word: “Integer”. I was a math major in undergrad (well, actually a biology and math major… but that’s another story! I digress… )

Integers are whole numbers. Not fractions. Not decimals.

Whole.

Complete.

Lacking nothing. No extra attachments trailing, no attendum pending…

Whole.

Also think of the associated word “Integrated”. In the United States, integration is a charged but desirable goal. People of different backgrounds and races interacting in all facets of life with peace and goodwill.

So how can I practice integrity as wholeness?

I have been thinking about this a lot lately.

As a Third Culture Adult, having moved around my whole life. I am very eclectic. With each location, I found myself adapting adopting some of the local culture in order to assimilate with my peers… Not necessarily fit in, but get along.

The evolution that arises from such mobility can be gradual and easy to absorb, especially for a growing child. Third culture kids are adept at being social chameleons. I can relate to just about anyone and can find something to connect with a new acquaintance. So, my whole life, I have woven in and out of social circles that don’t necessarily overlap.

My friends range from several religious backgrounds- Mennonites, Jews, Mormons, Hindu, Muslim, Atheist, Agnostic, Evangelical Christian…

They also have various political leanings – Tea Party, Progressives, Conservative, Liberals…
And work in various fields as Artists, Physicians, Yoginis, Musicians, Entrepreneurs, Politicians, Photographers…

World Cup is always fun for me. I can cheer with my friends from Peru, Bangladesh, Finland, England, Germany, China, Cambodia, Korea, Ghana, Nigeria, Liberia… Faux rivalries with your friends are fun when you cheer for the opposing team.

When you move across cultures, continents, even languages, the changes can be drastic. And if you have nothing to tether you to your past, you can reinvent yourself over and over again. This was an awesome facet of moving around until…

Facebook.

Facebook triggered an unexpected identity crisis for me. What do you do when your several pasts and identities collide with your present? Who are you then? And can you still evolve? Is there room for growth. Yes I am a renaissance woman and a life-long learner. But for a while there I struggled and had to take some time to really reflect.

So how do you integrate all of these different parts of yourself into the current you in a way that aligns with your ideals while shedding the parts you have outgrown. How do you avoid coming across as a hypocrite? “Oh yeah, she’s all righteous now, you should have seen her during her partying days”. “Wait, he’s a Christian? Wasn’t she studying the Kabballah and hanging out at ashrams 8 years ago?”

Yes, people might be saying these things.

Or maybe it is all in your head.

No one really cares. What they care about it how you treat them. The thing is people are too busy thinking about themselves, looking for validation and meaning. We are all stuck in our heads…

“What’s in your head? Zombie, Zombie, Zombie eh eh…” – The Cranberries

Maybe what’s really important is holding the space you occupy in the world with wholeness and grace – bringing all of who you are to the table and owning it. Owning the parts of yourself that don’t make sense or shedding them. Your choice.

But embracing the full definition of integrity. Living honestly, being whole, Standing on your ideals and living aligned with them. Pointing the compass due north and following it.

So yes, I am a walking contradiction. I love hard rock. I love blue grass. I love Jesus. I love Jimi Hendrix. I love people of different backgrounds and nationalities. I love dancing salsa. I dream of crowdsurfing at a Foo Fighters or DC talk reunion concert. I love math. I am crazy about mental health and coaching and preventive medicine and international health. I love Oprah and Albert Schweitzer… See all the I’s… How self-absorbed! NO ONE CARES!

What people care about is how you make them feel. Instead of staying here navel-gazing, I can look up and serve. It is the one thing that fulfills me. And Albert Schweitzer was absolutely right.

” I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know – the only ones among you who will be truly happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.”

Practicing Integrity:
1. What parts of yourself have you suppressed or withheld to appear more acceptable?
2. What would living a life of integrity look like for you?
3. Do you know anyone who lives in integrity? What do you admire most about them?
4. What are your fears and concerns about living in integrity?
5. What would the next decade look like if you didn’t practice integrity?
6. In what ways do you need support with living in integrity?

You are valid. Your life has purpose and you have all the different facets of your personality for a reason. Explore what bringing all of who you are in service to the World means to you. And go live it. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!”
– William H. Murray (Scottish Mountaineer and Writer)

Commitment.

This word conjures up all kinds of images. It has never been a glamorous word.

You think of the “old ball and chain”. Boredom. Obligation. Being stuck in something you really don’t want to do or somewhere you want to me.

It is used for mental institutions, prisons… Commitment hints at a loss of freedom.

It sounds like pain and suffering. Even worse, drudgery.

You can see the “committed” person grimfaced, teeth clenched.

Oh, Just grin and bear it!

For the longest time, this is how I felt about commitment.

Then I came across the verse from James 1:6-8

“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”

Until you make a commitment about that thing, whatever it is, you will be double-minded and unfocused. You will waste a lot of energy, fretting about everything.

Commitment is defined by Merriam-Webster as “a promise to do or give something: a promise to be loyal to someone or something : the attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support something.”

I am learning that commitment is actually liberating.

Draw the line in the sand. Burn the boats. And suddenly, you are focused like a laser.

Eliminating every other option, you are no longer distracted by “what ifs”.

You get married. You commit to loving someone through thick and thin. You don’t have to fret about your insecurities, and sweat the small stuff. You look at the big picture and say ” I choose to love this person through this.” It takes all the angst away. You are free to be yourself.

I decided to write a blog. Encouraged by friends, I had been mulling the idea for years.

But I just didn’t have the time. And I couldn’t find the courage.

Years flew by, kids came. Busier than ever. Still couldn’t find the time. Didn’t know what to talk about.

Being a recovering perfectionist, I usually would wait for just the right time to do anything. If I couldn’t do it perfectly, exactly the way I envisioned it, I wouldn’t do it.

I think of the lyrics from one of my favorite songs, “Time” by Pink Floyd,

“Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught, or half a page of scribbled lines.
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way,
The time is gone, the song is over…
Thought I’d something more to say…”

I wasted a lot of time waiting for the right moment, the right time, the right skills.

So I decided to commit.

I drew a line in the sand and decided to not only write but publish my posts. I committed to a schedule and decided to publish a post no matter what.

I am learning that all it takes is to show up and do the work. Show up no matter what.

When do I write? Currently, at night, after putting the kids to bed. Yes, I am exhausted from a full day’s work but I am committed to living my ideals. I am committed to publishing a post on Monday and Thursday each week. All it takes is showing up. Everything else falls into place.

Imperfection is ok. Just keep working.

Think of jazz musicians who commit to practicing scales hours daily. When they gig, the improvisations flow freely because they have shown up daily for the practice.

Tomorrow never comes.

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.”

Start now. Do it.

Draw that line. Burn the boat. March past that Point of No return.

And then watch as “Providence moves” to help you.

Practicing Commitment:
1. What do you need to commit to right now?
2. What do you need to help you draw that line in the sand? A Deadline? Support?
3. What boats do you need to burn?
4. When can you commit to no longer breaking your promises? Especially the ones you make to yourself?
5. What is the smallest step you can take to making your commitment?
6. Consider this quote by Sammy Davis Jr.: “You always have two choices- your commitment versus your fear”. What are you afraid of? How can you harness the power of choice to move forward?
7. Peter Drucker says,”Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes but no plans”. Mark your calendar. Write that plan. Then follow through. And share your experience.

See you next week!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Grace.

For a long time, I did not understand the concept of grace. I am a Christian so I have heard this word more than I can count. As a child, I heard ” By God’s grace” used when one really wanted something but couldn’t be certain of its occurrence. Sometimes it was to display humility when declaring a bold plan without wanting to appearing arrogant or presumptuous.

Merriam-Webster dictionary describes grace as “a way of moving that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward; disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency; a pleasing appearance or effect”.

The most popular definition of Grace is “God’s unmerited favor”. This was my first understanding of it. I liked it. It is having someone like you without doing anything to gain it. You are loved and favored unconditionally and without merit. I liked that and it worked well for me.

Then, I came across a definition that rocked my world. Joyce Meyer described it as “God’s willingness to use His infinite resources to meet my needs”. For a long time this quote saved me from imploding from worry over my life, my desires and concerns. Knowing that God was willing meant that I wasn’t an inconvenience. I didn’t have to worry about bothering God. I am always provided for willingly. I just have to ask.

Now, I am mulling over Grace in a different way.

Grace. This time, not the noun, but the verb.

The dictionary describes the verb grace as “to do honor or credit to someone or something by one’s presence”. “to decorate or add beauty to something”.

You hear this all the time. For example, ” she graced us with her presence for years”.

For me, this is the missing link. Grace as a verb.

What I need the most is God’s presence. Sometimes, my needs are great and overwhelming, worries about career, parenting, relationships can haunt me…

But everything seems to fall into place… things fall into perspective when I can pull away and connect with God, in the middle of it all. It isn’t that my concerns are no longer important. It’s that my perspective changes. Like the astronauts in space seeing the earth as no larger than a thumbprint, my problems appear small and manageable from the change in perspective God’s presence brings.

When someone loves you, they grace you with their presence. Again grace comes from love. Remember, God Loves You (are you starting to see a trend here?).

So, going to that quiet, sacred space, whether surrounded by people or alone, is essential. God graces me with His presence and suddenly a certain ease or beauty is added to whatever I need to do or whomever I need to be.

Today, my friend was asking me how I am able to write with two young children at home (actually one of them has been vomiting all day), start a coaching business, finish a master’s degree, have hobbies, work from home and be present for my family.

I know that none of this would be possible without Grace. And when one has been Graced, one is able to show grace to others.

I know that it isn’t because I am smart or talented or particularly connected or organized, rich, resourceful, focused, pretty, ambitious and so on…

Whether I am or not, is actually irrelevant. What is important is that I have been graced by God’s presence and that gives me the ability to do what I do in spite of all the chaos swirling around me.

Consider grace defined as “a way of moving that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward”.

Sometimes I sit down to write about an ideal, the writing sputters and spits, it is halting, my thoughts are disjointed… I pause and pray that I am plugged in to what needs to be written. Then suddenly, I am writing about something completely different and I am in the FLOW. The words come quickly and clearly, smoothly and I know that God has graced me with His presence. I still have to edit like crazy afterwards but grace makes all the difference.

And the wonderful thing about grace is that once you have experienced it, you can show grace to others. You can “decorate or add beauty” to another. You can also practice the ” disposition to act with kindness, courtesy and clemency”.

This is how I see Grace (noun and verb). I will be just fine. I am not alone. And I have everything I need. And I can help others experience it. You are not alone. You have everything you need. How will you practice and embrace grace today?

Practicing Grace:
1. What does Grace mean to you?
2. Which definition resonates most with you? Noun? Verb?
3. How can you embrace Grace today?
4. In what ways can you practice grace today?
5. What does showing grace to others look like for you?
6. 2nd Corinthians chapter 12 verse 9 says:”But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” ” In what areas of your life do you need grace today?
7. Where is your quiet, sacred space? Can you get there when you need to?

See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”¹

My first day.

Bible study at a women’s group.

I found my table of 8, found a spot and sat.

I sat beside her. A smiling lady in yellow. And my life changed.

We became friends. Instantly.

It didn’t matter that I was 35 and she was 87. That I was new and she was a veteran. Or that we were several shades of skin apart.

We were kindreds. We recognized and loved each other immediately. And began sharing our passions.

Books…check. Politics…check. Humanitarianism…check.
Jesus… check. Global travel and interest in different cultures…check!

Francophile? check. For several years I had celebrated Bastille Day with full French culture immersion. Her birthday was Bastille day. We chuckled.

I was liberal to her conservative but it did not matter. We were bonded.

Tired of my habitual isolation, I asked the group to pray for me because I needed to find a mentor. Her hand immediately shot up. “I’ll mentor you!”

Wow, no one had ever said those words or taken ownership of me like that before. It was unique and special to me – this wholehearted willingness to be completely available.

Many invitations and visits to the retirement home. Long, meals. Really soulful phone conversations. I shared dreams I had never verbalized before.

She was the first to recommend I seriously consider writing. And no matter how much I tried to brush it off, she never relented.

I felt like the Ruth to her Naomi and was willing to follow her everywhere.

Then, the news.

Cancer.

Chemotherapy.

Longer visits.

Sense of urgency. Denial. Hope.

Laughter. Sense of normalcy.

I promise to visit after finishing a term paper. She reschedules.

Another long conversation. “I love you. I love you too.”

Excitement over the next visit.

Instead, a phone call.

Yes, she’s gone.

Numb. Speechless. Empty.

Grief. Anger.

Heart door shut. Never love like that again.

They all leave. And they leave your heart in pieces.

Or do they?

The thing is, my friendship with Mrs Ginger Cage saved me. I was in a dark place.

Wounded and raw.

She was willing to take me a stranger, an outsider who was just drifting aimlessly after a series of failures.

She was humble, principled, generous, nurturing, wise, strong, passionate yet gentle and accepting… I had never met anyone with such dynamic and poetic contrasts in character.

And her wholehearted, no-holds-barred acceptance and constant invitation to spend time with her, healed old wounds of rejection, abandonment and inferiority.

She came into my life at just the right time.

She was willing to share her life, she was open and willing. I never felt as if I was imposing. She wanted me there. And she never judged a single opinion I shared even though we were at the opposite ends of the political aisle.

She loved me.

And I loved her. I still do.

And I learned later that she did this with many others who were lost like I was. Each person felt like her favorite. And this is why Maya Angelou’s death impacted me so greatly. Her relationship with Oprah reminded me of mine.

Ginger was so loving that people were naturally drawn to her and would hang on her every word.

She was Godly, Inspiring, Noble, Loving, Engaging and Rare!

I am so grateful she had such a willing and open heart!
Because of her, I decided to be more open and willing to share my life with others. It is a practice. Sometimes challenging. But I am determined to be more emotionally available and connected to those around me.

R.I.P. Ginger! I miss you!

Three years pass…

“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”” ²

I find myself at a playground, chatting wholeheartedly with a new friend… Interesting, world traveler, lover of books, studied math, loves theology…

“Oh, you do?” “Me too!”

An hour passes, I am still enrapt and we are excitedly finishing each other’s sentences…

Heart cracked wide open.

By the way, She’s 87!

Here we go…

Practicing connectedness:
1. In what ways could you practice connectedness this week?
2. Do you have a willing heart? What would that look like for you?
3. Do you have An open heart? What would being open look like?
4. How do you isolate yourself? Do you need a friend? Whom can you to reach out to?
5. Does someone need your friendship? What are practical ways you can serve others?
6. Sometimes it takes a smile or a hello – how can you practice being friendly this week?
7. What do you need to make you feel connected? Prayer, Support, Encouragement? Let someone know.

“See” you next time!

1. Albert Camus
2. C.S. Lewis

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Dignity – The state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect.¹
To signify that a being has an innate right to be valued and receive ethical treatment.²

I am part of the Wholehearted Revolution and a huge fan of Brene Brown, whose groundbreaking work has greatly transformed my life.

In her recent Gifts of Imperfection ecourse (based on the book), she said something that was both simple and profound – “Your story matters because you matter.”

Yes, You.

I am not sure why that struck me so deeply – I had heard similar sentiments before…

“Yvonne, you have an amazing life story. Share it.” Oh you should write a book!” “Why don’t start a blog?” “You belong on TV.” “OMG, You’re a mini-Oprah!” “Ok, Black Joyce Meyer!”

You get the picture. People have no filters when talking to me… I digress…

I didn’t understand why it was necessary for me to share my story. There were enough writers, bloggers, personalities out there. Yes, I do have an amazing life story and I am only here by God’s grace. But well-intentioned as my encouragers were, they were missing something. And I was missing it too.

Your story matters because YOU matter.
My story matters because I matter.

Several months ago, I received repeated requests to share my story from some people I love. It felt like a one-sided relationship and I felt like afterthought. As a member of a group in which I felt no one cared, I didn’t feel the urge to jump out and bare my heart. I felt hesitant, even strange about sharing my story with people whom I felt wouldn’t even acknowledge I existed. But since I didn’t fully understand what was going on, I never tried to articulate what I was feeling. I just brushed the feelings aside and guarded my heart.

But my focus was wrong. My feelings were valid, yes. But whether I tell my story or not does not depend on how I feel others are treating me. It does not depend on whether others care about me.

It wasn’t until I heard Brene Brown that I understood and had the right words.

My story matters because I matter. Not because I feel my story is not interesting, or that others don’t care to hear it or whatever excuse I drum up for myself. I exist. Therefore I matter. And my story matters.

You matter. You are worthy of honor and respect. You have an innate right to be valued.

So, no matter what happens – whether you are ignored, insulted, gossiped about, humiliated… Your inherent value is not diminished. You are a masterpiece. You are worthy of honor and respect.

You have a right to exist.

Your story matters.

When you allow others to make you feel small, remember that this is YOUR feeling. It doesn’t change who you are.

Eleanor Roosevelt says “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

So take back that consent form. Take back that permission slip that allows others to make you feel small. Stand tall, take a deep breath and embody your highest, best and truest self.

Today, my 6 year old daughter was harrassed at a playground. At bedtime, we talked about it awhile.

I repeated the illustration I usually use to reinforce her self confidence.

“If you are holding a $20 bill and someone comes and snorts “Hmpf, that’s a worthless penny!” What would you do? If s/he repeats that over and over again, does it change the bill’s value? Would you stay and argue with them?”

My daughter always laughs at how ridiculous this story is and it always makes her feel better. But today, I really had to meditate on this.

I am not a victim and neither are you. We can choose whether to allow the negative states of others to influence us or to use our own positive states to influence our own narratives and others.

We don’t have to blame anyone. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have and their best doesn’t necessarily mean my best. So, we move on.

As the saying goes… “Man’s rejection is God’s protection.”

You are a child of God. A masterpiece. You are worthy of love and respect. You are valuable.

And as the Wholehearted revolution says ” I am imperfect. And I am enough.”

Practicing Dignity
This week, let’s practice taking a deep breath and reaching for our highest selves no matter what situations we find ourselves in.

Questions to ponder:
What story are you telling yourself about a current situation?
Are you really being rejected or are you FEELING rejected?
Is what you are believing about this situation all in your head? Can you confirm it?
Can you create a new story? Can you replace or erase the old story?

And…
How can you embrace and affirm your inherent worth and value? How are you playing small? Who are you listening to? Whom are you surrounded by?

You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone. You matter.
You are a giant. Stand tall.Walk away if you need to. Embrace and embody your dignity.

Share what you are learning in the comments section. See you next time!

1. Google
2. Wikipedia

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

You can’t give what you don’t have…

Before you can truly give love to others, you must first have love to give.

Or else, it can become dysfunctional, manipulative, clingy… An unhealthy twist that comes from a finite source. Often contaminated by fear…

But, to give love that is pure, unconditional, liberating, even healing, it helps to have a different source.

Where does that love come from?

Imagine a cup filled and running over… oceans, with waves crashing, one after the other…

Imagine the infinite universe, constantly expanding…

Actually, there are multiverses… many universes, with unfathomable constellations, new celestial globes discovered daily…

Now imagine, a Love that vast, even more…

That is only the beginning of God’s Love for you… Receive it. Really spend some time soaking it in…

Now imagine your heart filled and running over…

Yes, God Loves You. That simple. Unconditionally. Now matter what you have done, no matter where you’ve been, no matter where you are headed…

God Loves You.

This post was inspired by Maya Angelou who broke down in tears during an interview with Oprah as she shared the moment she truly realized God loved her.

Now what would your live look like if you really believed it? How would you love? How would you forgive? How would you connect?

How would it feel to spend some time basking in God’s love and letting it seep into your bones?

God loves You. God Loves Me.

Receive it. Then go give it.

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way, she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.