“Drudgery is the touchstone of character” – Oswald Chambers

We teach what we most deeply need to learn.

I believe this wholeheartedly. It is true for me. I began writing about ideals because I was not living mine. Every time I ran across the Albert Schweitzer quote “Grow into your ideals so that life will not rob you of them”, I got chills.

Two years ago, I began studying ideals while homeschooling my daughter.  Not having any grandparents around locally, I wanted to ground her in some character-building values. As I wrote a comprehensive list of values from my internet research, I realized I need to spend some time studying these ideals for myself.

Why am I writing about character today? One word – DRUDGERY.

Drudgery – “Hard, menial, dull, uninspiring work. Boring, difficult, unpleasant labor.” (Wiki, M-W Dictionary)

I have struggled with finishing personal projects. I have a hard time with minutiae and tedium.  I struggle with consistently doing the little things without immediate results. Give me a difficult degree and I will pay the price, work hard and finish. But if I have my own music project, camera photos to upload or papers to edit, I have a harder time.

I recently took a week off blogging. I found myself tempted to extend the break. The distractions were ruthless. I could see my old habits rearing up their heads, beckoning for ” another slumber, another folding of hands” (Proverbs).

So, why bother showing up?

This work matters to me.

I am committed to living my ideals. I am committed to this blog. I know it will evolve and there will be more projects. But I love writing. The ideas come easily to me but I do have to find time to sit and write. And as I stated in earlier posts, my posts are usually written after a long, active (fun but exhausting) day with energetic kids and demanding work. I write after putting the kids to bed.

Consistency is an ideal I am committed to cultivating in my life. I want to show up. Day by day, moment by moment.

In the past, I would do everything I could to avoid the drudgery, the mundane, the routine… I was conflicted. I wanted to be spontaneous, to be able take off at a moment’s thought. And the idea of being predictable felt like a lead balloon over my head. What a bummer!

I did not want to work on my character. It never occurred to me. I thought that being a Christian, being moral and believing the scriptures would be enough. At 13 I thought I was set. I believed in Jesus and sat for the next 2 decades waiting to be changed. Then I became really frustrated when the changes I awaited would not come.

Oswald Chambers was right. “Drudgery is the touchstone of character”. Here is the longer quote.

“You have inherited the Divine nature, says Peter (v.4), now screw your attention down and form habits, give diligence, concentrate. “Add” means all that character means. No man is born either naturally or supernaturally with character, he has to make character. Nor are we born with habits; we have to form habits on the basis of the new life God has put into us. We are not meant to be illuminated versions, but the common stuff of ordinary life exhibiting the marvel of the grace of God. Drudgery is the touchstone of character. The great hindrance in spiritual life is that we will look for big things to do. “Jesus took a towel . . . and began to wash the disciples’ feet.” ”

My mentor calls me a visionary. It sounds more glamorous that it is. I dream big dreams. It is very easy for me to get lost in the future, in the world of possibilities, the “what ifs” of life…

I am learning to appreciate the beauty of routine and the power of drudgery. I am practicing gratitude for the mundane. My old ways pop up now and then. I am tempted to compromise in the dark. But I am learning that I can cultivate consistency in the darkest drudgery and I will be rewarded with a harvest of trust, connection, discipline, integrity and excellence to name a few.

How about you?

Drudgery is challenging and unglamorous. The dishes, bills, packing boxes, editing, laundry, taxes, pushups, obligatory phone calls can be overwhelming.  Take a deep breath, express gratitude, break your monstrous action items into tinier bits and keep working.

But.

Sometimes you need a break. Take it.

And then, it is time to wash some feet.

Go.

That is the true meaning of Character.

Cultivating Character:
1. What does Character mean to you?
2. What are your character strengths?
3. What old habits beckon to you? Who can hold you accountable to stay on track?
4. In what ways do you need to cultivate the Character you desire?
5. Do you struggle with drudgery? In what ways?
6. Spend some time thinking about the beauty of drudgery and routine in your life. Are there some mundane things you can be thankful for?
7. Spend some time with Oswald Chamber quote. …”The great hindrance in spiritual life is that we will look for big things to do.” What big things are you using to distract yourself? What small things can you do right now?

Being faithful in the little things is difficult. Showing up, day in day out, moment by moment is no easy feat. But you are not alone. You are surrounded by others, like us,  who are committed to building character. Reach out.  Cultivating Character does not always produce immediate rewards but the long-term impact is undeniable. Stay the course. And may the Force be with you!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

After 12 days  on the road, I am taking a much needed week off.  The intensely beautiful World Domination Summit in Portland Oregon,  and The Daring Way Training in San Antonio, Texas gave me so much to ponder, experience and enjoy.  And now, I simply need to rest.  In the Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown writes beautifully about “Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol, and productivity as self-worth”.

I am going to do exactly as she recommends! See you next week  wholehearted warriors!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

“Grow into your ideals so that life will not rob you of them.” – Albert Schweitzer

Virtue – The daily habit, the practice of one’s values and ideals. – Wiki

I love this definition of the idea of cultivating and practicing ideals. Making virtue a daily habit is important. Consider the daily habit of brushing your teeth. When you don’t brush your teeth, your breath stinks. I believe that when you don’t practice your virtues or ideals daily, your life stinks.

I can hear some saying, “Wow Yvonne, you went there. That’s harsh!”

I understand the sentiment. I used to feel the same way. I thought I could live however I wanted and did not realize that my habits mattered. I thought some people got a secret memo that made them virtuous, excellent, righteous. I didn’t understand why some people seemed to find following their moral compasses easy, living rich, fulfilled meaningful lives. I, on the other hand, stumbled about, with my foot in my mouth, life in disarray and going wherever the wind blew.

Aristotle describes virtue is excellence at being human, a skill that helps a person survive, thrive, form meaningful relationships, and find happiness. Learning virtue is usually difficult at first, but becomes easier with practice over time until it becomes a habit.

I am a big fan of James Clear’s work on habits. And I am learning that your life is a series of habits. Since I had gotten into the habit of living unconsciously, my life was not working.
A few years ago, I woke up and realized I could no longer recognize myself. I looked at my life and realized I was completely off-course from where I wanted to be. I realized that I was unconsciously waiting for someone else’s permission, to lose the baby weight, to get my career going, or to build the right circle of friends.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

My life was not aligned with my core values. I decided to live my ideals. Like Schweitzer, “I decided I would make may life my argument.”

Now, I am not an expert on Ideals. Old habits die hard. I write about ideals because I want to learn more, to gain a deeper understanding of the ideals that are important to me and to embody them in a life fully aligned with my ideals.

As I mentioned earlier, this project is inspired by Albert Schweitzer’s quote. “Grow into your ideals so that life will not rob you of them.”

Here is the thing about cultivation.

Imagine a garden in which you are growing, cultivating ideals, virtues, values.

When you plant a seed, it has to experience several stages of growth.
1. Darkness: When you plant a seed, you cover it with dirt. Imagine what the seed is going through. It is in complete darkness. Covered with dirt. Same goes for you. Maybe you have decided to cultivate a habit of some ideal. You look around you, it is dark. You have no idea what is going on. You can’t see what is around you. Confusion, chaos. Uncertainty. Darkness.

2. Decay and Death: The seed has to decay and “die” first. With decay comes the stench. And the seed is covered with dirt, decaying soil, fertilizer, worms. You and are frustrated because the situation you find yourself in stinks. It is messed up. Dysfunctional.And just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, you actually fail at the habit. You are regressing instead of getting better. You are losing yourself, friendships, job, things are worsening.

3. Process: Then things are starting to change and although you don’t see any improvements you know that something is happening.

4. Transformation: More change is occuring. You are starting to cultivate the habit.

5. Stretching beyond comfort zone: Like the plant breaking through the soil above ground, you are starting to see progress. And reaching for the light. Gaining insights, getting deeper with the habit.

6. Fruitful: The bible says by their fruit, you shall know them. You are starting to reap the rewards of cultivating an ideal. you are showing up. You are living courageously. you are living a life aligned with your ideals and beginning to see the results. This yields to desire to cultivate new habits, new ideals. Desire to share with others.

7, Cyclical: You pick another habit and begin the process again.

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. ~ Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

Practising the Habit of Practicing Ideals:
1. What ideals are important to you. Can you pick your 5 core ideals?
2. Which one would you like to practice first?
3. What stage of the growth process do you find most challenging?
4. What mechanisms do you need in place to make it easy to practice that ideal.
5. What support do you have for this practice?
6. What is the smallest step you can take towards living your ideals?
7. What plan do you have for when you do stumble or fail?

Cultivating your ideals takes time and practice. You will fail again and again. You will also make progress. The key is showing up, again and again, moment by moment. Show up courageously. Fight the resistance. Let go of perfectionism. Just show up. And the bloom will come eventually. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted warriors like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

“Why not seize the pleasure at once? — How often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparation!”
― Jane Austen, Emma

Spontaneity – the state of being spontaneous (done or said in a natural and often sudden way and without a lot of thought or planning).
– Merriam-Webster Dictionary

For the past several days I have been in Portland Oregon attending the World Domination Summit (#WDS 2014) hosted by the phenomenal Chris Guillebeau. An incredible event filled with informative workshops, effective trainings and inspiring talks by current thought leaders. It is an annual event attended by unconventional and , non-conformist world changers, idealists, entrepreneurs, creative professionals and artists. The core ideals of WDS are Community, Adventure and Service – which happen to comprise of mine as well. Attendees leave the conference inspired, equipped, energized and ready to change their corner of the world. I will write more about this event in later posts.

Thousands of interesting, quirky, wholehearted and fun characters attend this incredibly stimulating event. Among the many characters was the Poem Catcher. Originally from the UK, the poem catcher travels the world with a net (like the butterfly net) asking for poems. Some write poems on the spot. Others find him later with one on which they have spent more time.

I was on a cruise of the Willamette River when he walked by, cheerfully calling out for poems. Feeling inspired, I did something I had never done before. I whipped out my notebook and jotted a few lines and then, went searching for him. I found him chatting with a few new friends. I was just about to quietly slip my poem in his net when he stopped me and told me to read it aloud. Gaping, I stammered, frantically conjuring up an excuse. And then I stopped, smiled and proceeded to read it to my eager audience.

That deciding moment was magical. When I finished reading the poem, he smiled, said he loved it and thanked me. And then he let me drop the poem in his net. I left feeling expansive, inspired and changed.

Apart from minor edits for spelling and the title, here is what I wrote.

The Conformist’s Cry (originally titled “Hollow”)

Taller, taller grow the trees
Greener, greener lies the grass
In another’s yard.

Steeper, steeper the degrees,
Harder, harder coups de grace
play another card.

And the emptiness grows,
The more we acquire
And nobody knows
What they really desire

And there goes the dream
As time passes on
We cry for our dreams
As Time passes on…

As Time passes on…
As Time passes on…

What was it about the act of spontaneity that lit me up? There is a feeling of freedom that follows spontaneity. We sometimes need structure and planning in order to make time for the things we want to do. But sometimes just doing an unplanned activity, on the spur of the moment is liberating, exhilarating and transforming.

Life is fleeting. We never know our last moment. Yet we plan and plan every moment as if we know everything. We always want to be in control. It wasn’t that my poem was groundbreaking or particularly good. It was the fact that I seized the moment. I looked at fear and said, “No, not right now. I choose to be brave. I am going for it” and I did it. I am incredibly grateful for that.

I am also grateful that the Poem Catcher was gracious enough to say he liked it. But I am not sure it would have been particularly painful if he hadn’t said anything. We shared a moment there. He saw me hesitate for a brief moment. He watched me overcome my fear of being judged. I chose to live my ideal by diving right in, even though I could have been humiliated. And he affirmed and supported me in it.

My fears didn’t matter. I chose spontaneity through vulnerability. I allowed my heart to be seen in its imperfection by created a poem from a blank sheet and sharing it. And for that, I was rewarded with a sense of transcendence and connection.

Obviously, the poem wasn’t premeditated. When I whipped out my notebook, I had no idea what I was going to say. But I just did it.

What about you? Are you waiting to be ready for what you really want to do?

Sometimes, It just doesn’t matter whether you are ready or not. Jump! Just do it. And then, see what happens. Let go of those plans once in a while. Planning is good. But sometimes, it is wonderful to let go and jump into the unknown.

I did. And I will never be the same.

Practicing Spontaneity:
1. In what ways are you stuck in a rut?
2. What would it take to clear your agenda, schedule and plans for an hour and do something unexpected?
3. What is holding you back? Can you seize the moment?
4. What activities have you always wanted to do but couldn’t seem to find the time to do?
5. Like Brene Brown says in “Daring Greatly”, “What is worth doing even if you fail?”
6. What is the worst that could happen? Do you have anyone who can support you and hold you accountable as you practice spontaneity?
7. What small step can you take towards spontaneity today?

Spontaneity is a brave act. It means grabbing an idea by the tail and riding it. It could be a joy ride, or not. But you wouldn’t know unless you tried. And sometimes you need support for others to take that brave step. Ask for it. We need each other. Let’s practice spontaneity together, shall we? Take my hand and let’s Jump! Ready? Set? Go!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes to serve and inspire a tribe of wholehearted kindred spirits like you, to “live your ideals, live your calling and change the world.”

“Consistency is simply unwavering adherence to your principles.” – Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Sometimes, you are exhausted, sleep deprived, unsure of what to say.

But you made the commitment to show up. So, do you “break the chain”, cancel for now and show up excellently the next time? Or do you show up and give it all you’ve got, even though you can barely keep your eyes open?

How much is consistency worth to you?

For me, it is critical to show up if physically possible and give it my all. It might not be my best work. But it is even more important for me to maintain the consistent rhythm. Or else I know that it would be difficult for me to get back into that specific habit.

So here I am.

How about you? Do you dare show up?

Sometimes it means just sitting at the piano for 2 minutes. Putting on your sneakers and walking to the front door. Placing a stamp on an envelope. Writing one sentence on the computer.

Small, even tiny consistent action is exactly that. Action.

And consistent action adds up. Day by Day. Moment by Moment. That is my commitment today.

How about you?

Practicing Consistency:
1. What challenges keep you from being consistent?
2. What tiny step can you take today to practice consistency?
3. Would you rather show up imperfectly or skip now to show up perfectly next time?

You can live your ideals consistently. You have what it takes to show up and do your best. Just show up, take the first step. And the next. And the next. You can do it. See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

“Find a way” – Diana Nyad

Hope – a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.
– an optimistic attitude of mind based on an expectation of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large. (Merriam-Webster Dictionary, Wiki)

At 64 years old, Diana Nyad defied all odds to complete her 110 mile swim from Cuba to Florida. Public failures, age, harsh even deadly conditions made her quest a seemingly insurmountable one. But her mantra “Find a way” helped her push past all the barriers to attain her awe-inspiring goal.

What do you do when things do not go as planned? How do you respond to failure?

Dejection, Hopelessness, Despair… Described as the opposites of hope. There three are never far behind when we experience loss, disappointment or failure.

I have always been a future-minded, optimistic, dreamer, hopeful pioneer type. One of my mentors describes me as “visionary”. I succeeded at everything I attempted, even those with the half-hearted efforts.

After an IQ test, I was placed in a pioneer class in a school for the gifted. Got into medical school after applying last minute on a hunch. Did the same for public health school. Had resounding success with my first community service project as an Albert Schweitzer Fellow.

As Oprah says, “Future so bright, it hurts my eyes!”

And then, in 2007, everything changed.

For the next 6 years, disappointment, failure, despair, dejection, hopelessness… Over and over again.

I spent 6 years wandering in a wilderness of sorts. My career had stalled. I couldn’t find a way forward. Since my identity had been so closely tied in with my career, I felt lost. It seemed my life was pulling me in another direction but I couldn’t leave the past behind. I kept trying to go back, to make things right. But it felt like the door was jammed shut. Getting a masters degree did not help.

What do you do when you find yourself with everything you have ever wanted and are still overwhelmed by an emptiness, a restlessness, a sinking uneasy feeling in your soul? What do you do when you feel as if something is missing?

Numb it? Work harder? Distract yourself with entertainment, relationships, shopping?

“May the God of Hope fill you with more joy and Peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with Hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ” -Romans 15:13

I turned to God. I was angry. I had worked really hard for 7 years and still could not make my life work. I had no desire to do the work I had trained so hard for. Old dreams still called me. New dreams beckoned. But I had lost my way.

I believe prayer changes things. I asked for help. I was desperate – overflowing with despair. I was ashamed. My peers were thriving professionals and I was still trying to figure things out. Always driven and motivated, I had gotten so used to success that failure was devastating to me. I knew I wanted to live a life aligned with my ideals but I didn’t know how.

“Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear.”- President Snow, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

As I spent more time in reverence, my hope returned and my fears began to fade away away. I knew there was a way. I did not know how I was going to get there. But I knew I would find my way.

This blog is an account of my journey there. I do not know all the answers. I only share lessons from my experiences.

What will I be when I grow up? I don’t know. But I do know that as long as I can “find a way to serve”, like Albert Schweitzer says, I will be fine. This is what keeps me moving forward. Day by day. Moment by moment.

The fears come. But my hope is stronger. As long as I am alive, there is hope.

Same goes for you my friend.

Things might seem dark right now. That situation seems hopeless. You failed at yet another venture. Friends are laughing at you. You feel isolated. Broke. Unpopular. Sick. Confused.

We hang back from attempting our dreams because we have failed over and over again, disappointed ourselves and others… Or, others have broken promises, traumatized, teased, humiliated, excluded, shamed us…

Inadequacies, insecurities plague us… Not thin enough, not talented enough, too old, too young, not smart enough, not educated enough… The list is endless.

That list keeps us from living our ideals. And the world is filled with people living in “quiet desperation”.

Here is the truth. As long as you are alive, there is hope. Your life has a purpose. As long as you are alive, you have something to look forward to. There are countless stories of people achieving the impossible… One thing I know for sure is that there is always a way forward. Connect with God. Show up in your life. Quit crying over spilled milk. Acknowledge your fears. Learn from the mistakes and move on. Take the lessons with you, leave the rest in the past.

Doing these will keep the embers of hope burning.

There is always a way forward. Showing up is the first step.

Practicing hope:
1. What has been the greatest source of hope for you?
2. Have you experienced hopelessness?
3. How can you embody more hope in your life?
4. What small step forward can you take today?
5. What does “Find a way” mean to you?
6. What can you do to serve the hopeless around you?
7. In what ways can you work with an accountability partner to keep you hopeful?

Hope finds a way. Keep your hope alive! See you next time!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Sensitivity – The strength of emotional or physical reaction in people. (Wiki)

“The world is a devastating place. You must learn to protect your emotions to prevent matters both in law and love, from devastating you.” – Lord Mansfield from the Movie “Belle” (2013)

Sensitivity.

A beautiful and charged word. For the longest time comments were thrown at me, judging me fro being sensitive… The words were harsh, well-intended but painful… Some meant to protect me. They saw an emotionally sensitive person who needed to armor up to protect from the harsh realities of life.

“Oh, you are too sensitive!” “Why do you have to cry right now? Can’t you master your emotions?”
“Tone down your voice.” “Why do you care so much? Do you have to feel everything?”
“You are such a bleeding heart liberal.”

And my all-time favorite – “You care too much to be a surgeon.”
I have tried to stifle the sensitivity. I numbed it out. Tried to pretend I didn’t care.

But I did care.

I believe that sensitive people are the sensors, the alarms, the sirens of the world.

Sensitive people are specially designed to alert the community to danger and can avert crises…even save lives! They can pick up on subtle cues before others have a clue.

But sometimes, due to the harshness of the environments in which they find themselves, they might become reactive instead of responsive, dysfunctional instead of functional.

Think of the smoke alarm. It saves lives by alerting the occupant that something in the house is burning. If the occupant trusts the smoke alarm, he will go search the culprit and put it out. If the smoke alarm is always going off, then after a while it gets ignored or turned off. Or the presence of louder sounds will drown out the alarm.

But the smoke alarm has its purpose. So do sensitive people.

Emotional stability is a misnomer. You don’t want to be emotionally stable… Balanced and passive. You want to be emotionally responsive
There is a reason why sensitive people are more effective at communicating. That sensitivity indicates vulnerability which takes a high level of honesty, authenticity and courage.

So, how do you embrace your sensitivity?

1. Respond, don’t react: When in distressing situations, take a deep breath before responding. Reacting will not help the situation. The difference between reacting and responding is the amount of time between the stimulus and source of theresponse. Reacting is instantaneous and comes from a place of fear. If you take a deep breath and pay attention to your body, then you are morely to respond from a place of love, worthiness and truth.

2. Spend time alone: Get away from the noise. Highly sensitive instruments have to be calibrated and kept at certain temperatures and conditions, and well maintained. Your car alarm have to be calibrated to be trusted to read conditions accurately. So do you. Get some rest. Meditate. Spend some time in nature. Exercise. Pray. Stay out of overly stimulating environments which are more likely to make you more reactive than responsive. For me, I need to journal on a daily basis, meditate, decompress, pray and exercise.

3. Pay attention: Listen to your gut. Listen to your intuition. Listen to the still small voice. God whispers all the time. You can’t hear until you pay attention. But first you’d have to get away to a quiet place. (see #2 above).

4. Don’t take things personally: People are flawed. They will hurt you. Some intentionally, others not. It is not about you. It is about whatever is going on in their heads and in their lives. Don’t let the actions of others keep you from exercising the wonderful gift sensitivity.

5. Use your gift: What’s the use of a car alarm, an oil sensor or a smoke alarm if you never use it? You could die. Not listening to the car alarm could result in a car crash. Not using the smoke alarm could result in a house burning to the ground. You are sensitive for a purpose. Use it.

6. Be around people who understand and appreciate your gift: Don’t toss your pearls before swine. If people are constantly berating your sensitivity, get away. You are sensitive and all of that judgment cuts really deeply and makes you less likely listen to your gut or to use your sensitivity accurately. If the other people are insensitive, it means they don’t sense what you sense. Sometimes, the smoke sensor goes off way before you smell the smoke. If you are sensing something, stay with it, and be alert.

Because I had always been berated for being sensitive, I stopped listening to my gut and lost my way. Embracing my sensitivity has given me a new zest for life. I can be fully present, practice my spirituality, enjoy my gifts and serve others.

What about you?

Practicing Sensitivity:
1. In what ways are you a sensitive person?
2. In what ways have you stifled your sensitivity?
3. How have you embraced your sensitivity?
4. What effect does your current environment have on your sensitivity? Are you free to express it? Are you encouraged or shamed for expressing your sensitivity?
5. Can you recall a situation in which your sensitivity has saved you or others?
6. What small step can you take towards practicing your sensitivity more deeply?
7. What would fully embracing your sensitivity look like for you?

We cannot afford to walk around with hearts covered in saran wrap, shielding us from pain and from feeling too much. We can set boundaries. Within those boundaries, we can love and express that love wholeheartedly. The world would be a terrible place if we shielded our hearts from everything. Let’s express our sensitivity from a place of worthiness, courage and truth. See you next week!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.

Sensitivity – The strength of emotional or physical reaction in people. (Wiki)

“The world is a devastating place. You must learn to protect your emotions to prevent matters both in law and love, from devastating you.” – Lord Mansfield from the Movie “Belle” (2013)

Sensitivity.

A beautiful and charged word. For the longest time comments were thrown at me, judging me for being sensitive… The words were harsh. Well-intended but painful… Some meant to protect me. They saw an emotionally sensitive person who needed to armor up to protect from the harsh realities of life.

“Oh, you are too sensitive!” “Why do you have to cry right now? Can’t you master your emotions?”
“Tone down your voice.” “Why do you care so much? Do you have to feel everything?”
“You are such a bleeding heart liberal.”

And my all-time favorite – “You care too much to be a surgeon.”

I have tried to stifle the sensitivity. I numbed it out. Tried to pretend I didn’t care.

But I did care. I do care.

I believe that sensitive people are the sensors, the alarms, the sirens of the world.

Sensitive people are specially designed to alert the community to danger and can avert crises…even save lives! They can pick up on subtle cues before others have a clue.

But sometimes, due to the harshness of the environments in which they find themselves, they might become reactive instead of responsive, dysfunctional instead of functional.

Think of the smoke alarm. It saves lives by alerting an occupant that something in the house is burning. If the occupant trusts the smoke alarm, he will go search the culprit and put it out. If the smoke alarm is always going off, then after a while it gets ignored or turned off. Or the presence of louder sounds will drown out the alarm.

But the smoke alarm has its purpose. So do sensitive people.

Emotional stability is a misnomer. You don’t want to be emotionally stable… Balanced and passive. You want to be emotionally responsive.

There is a reason why sensitive people are more effective at communicating. That sensitivity indicates vulnerability which takes a high level of honesty, authenticity and courage. And this generates trust which builds commection and so on.

So, how do you embrace your sensitivity?

1. Respond, don’t react: When in distressing situations, take a deep breath before responding. Reacting will not help the situation. The difference between reacting and responding is timing and source of the behavior. Reacting is instantaneous and comes from a place of fear. If you take a deep breath and pay attention to your body and remember your ideals, then you are morely to respond from a place of love, worthiness and truth.

2. Spend time alone: Get away from the noise. Highly sensitive instruments have to be calibrated and kept at certain temperatures and conditions. They also have to be well maintained. Your car alarm has to be calibrated to be trusted to read conditions accurately. So do you. Get some rest. Meditate. Spend some time in nature. Exercise. Pray. Stay out of overly stimulating environments which are more likely to make you more reactive than responsive. For me, I need to journal, meditate, decompress, pray and exercise daily

3. Pay attention: Listen to your gut. Listen to your intuition. Listen to the still small voice. God whispers all the time. You can’t hear until you pay attention. But first you’d have to get away to a quiet place. (see #2 above).

4. Don’t take things personally: People are flawed. They will hurt you. Some intentionally, others not. It is not about you. It is about whatever is going on in their heads and in their lives. Don’t let the actions of others keep you from exercising the wonderful gift of sensitivity.

5. Use your gift: What’s the use of a car alarm, an oil sensor or a smoke alarm if you never use it? You could die. Not listening to the car alarm could result in a car crash. Not using the smoke alarm could result in a house burning to the ground. You are sensitive for a purpose. Use it.

6. Be around people who understand and appreciate your gift: Don’t toss your pearls before swine. If people are constantly berating your sensitivity, get away. You are sensitive and all of that judgment cuts really deeply and makes you less likely listen to your gut or use your sensitivity accurately. If the other people are insensitive, it means they don’t sense what you sense. Sometimes, the smoke sensor goes off way before you smell the smoke. If you are sensing something, stay with it, and be alert.

Because I had always been berated for being sensitive, I stopped listening to my gut and lost my way for years. Thankfully, I found my way back. Embracing my sensitivity has given me a new zest for life. I can be fully present, practice my spirituality, enjoy my gifts and serve others.

What about you?

Practicing Sensitivity:
1. In what ways are you a sensitive person?
2. In what ways have you stifled your sensitivity?
3. How have you embraced your sensitivity?
4. What effect does your current environment have on your sensitivity? Are you free to express it? Are you encouraged or shamed for expressing your sensitivity?
5. Can you recall a situation in which your sensitivity has saved you or others?
6. What small step can you take towards practicing your sensitivity more deeply?
7. What would fully embracing your sensitivity look like for you?

We cannot afford to walk around with hearts covered in saran wrap, shielding us from pain and from feeling too much. We can set boundaries. Within those boundaries, we can love and express our love wholeheartedly. The world would be a terrible place if we shielded our hearts from everything. Let’s express our sensitivity from a place of worthiness, courage and truth. See you next week!

Yvonne Whitelaw writes for Yvonnewhitelaw.com where she blogs about her quest to grow into her ideals in her “Live Your Ideals Project”. By sharing her lessons along the way (every Monday and Thursday), she hopes you will be inspired to live your ideals and ultimately live your calling.